Episode #4

[00:00:00]

[00:00:00] INTRODUCTION

[00:00:00] Taty: Have you ever felt so miserable with a situation, at work or not, that you either wanted to explode or ended up imploding with anxiety or even depression? Well, in today’s episode, we will discuss the importance of documenting and reflecting on your experiences, especially the bad ones and how to do so in an effective way to learn from them and apply what was learned.

[00:00:28] Taty: We will also talk about shadow work journals, and how you can explore this idea to soar the leadership in you.

[00:00:36] Taty INTRO: Hello and welcome to the Leadership Nest Podcast. The podcast that nests stories, knowledge, and science to soar the leadership in you. I’m your host, Taty Fittipaldi. As always, our podcast will be divided into three phases. A story, a lesson, and its application. This way, you [00:01:00] can have structure and information while also having some fun.

[00:01:06] Taty INTRO: This program is brought to you … by Coaching Expatriates.

[00:01:09] TODAYS STORY

[00:01:09] TODAYS STORY: Today’s story.

[00:01:19] Taty: Christopher was a highly successful global corporate executive, who had faced many challenges throughout his career. One particular experience stood out to him as a moment of reflection and learning.

[00:01:32] Taty: As the leader in a global technology company, an organization that had just started and received a huge investment capital, Christopher was faced with the challenge of a new product that was not performing well in the market. After the first prototype was approved and moved to production.

[00:01:50] Taty: Sales were much lower than anticipated. And Christopher was feeling discouraged. And unsure of what to do next.

[00:01:58] Taty: To clear his mind and [00:02:00] gain perspective, Christopher decided to journal about the situation. Something a friend recommended. He wrote about his thoughts, feelings, as well as the actions that company had taken to try to turn things around.

[00:02:14] Taty: Listen to some of the things Christopher wrote down.

[00:02:17] Taty: I feel like I’m a failure as a leader. This product launch was not as expected. I’m worried about what my team and my boss will think of me. I’m frustrated with the product team for not delivering a better product. I feel like we didn’t do enough user testing and research before launching.

[00:02:37] Taty: I’m worried that this failure will reflect badly on me and my career. I’ve worked so hard to get the to this point. I don’t want to lose the respect of my colleagues and peers.

[00:02:48] Taty: I feel like I’m out of option for turning this around. I’ve tried everything I can think of. But nothing seems to be working.

[00:02:56] Taty: I’m starting to lose hope that we can make this product a [00:03:00] success.

[00:03:00] Taty: Christopher took these bullets and explored them further by using a shadow work journaling methodology.

[00:03:07] Taty: Trying to understand where each thought and feelings are coming from and how they were impacting his decision-making and communication. This type of reflective practice helped Christopher gain clarity and perspective, even in the midst of this difficult and challenging situation.

[00:03:25] Taty: A few years later, Christopher came across this journal entry again and was struck by the insights he had gained from that difficult experience. He browsed his entry carefully, turning each page with eagerness to remember what he wrote. And the conclusions he got. He did not have to read them though, to remember exactly how he felt at the time. Nevertheless, he was very impressed with how brutally honest and precise he was about his thoughts and feelings. And [00:04:00] realized that being totally transparent with himself was the key catalyst for his breakdown back then.

[00:04:07] Taty: Christopher closed his little journal. While he looked up with a grin on his face. He had just remembered. An important lesson, he learned about personal leadership.

[00:04:17] Taty: And the lesson was this: when faced with a challenging situation, taking the time to reflect and gain perspective is essential. In the midst of a crisis, it’s easy to get caught up in the urgency of the situation and make decisions based on fear or panic. But by taking a step back and reflecting on the situation, Christopher was able to gain clarity and make better decisions. Through his journaling, Christopher realized that his team needed to shift their focus from sales numbers to customer satisfaction. They had been so focused on hitting their sales targets, that they had lost sight [00:05:00] of the fact that customers were not happy with the product. By refocusing their efforts on improving the customer experience, they were able to turn things around and make the product a success.

[00:05:13] Taty: He didn’t use the blame game, as he noticed his Self Talk doing through his journaling. Instead, he decided to ask himself and the team, ” what could we do right now to make things a little better?” And, “Who do we need to approach to make things a lot better?”

[00:05:32] Taty: Looking back on that experience, Christopher was grateful for the lessons he had learned and the perspective that journaling had given him. As a leader, he knew that difficult situations could be opportunities for growth and learning, so long as we take the time to reflect and use the insights as a powerful tool for making better decisions.

[00:05:57] Taty: All right. When you think about this story, [00:06:00] what is leadership to you in the context of this story? Who are the leaders? When were they leaders?

[00:06:07] Taty: And why were they leaders for you?

[00:06:09] TODAY’S LESSON

[00:06:09] TODAYS LESSON: Today’s lesson.

[00:06:19] Taty: In episode one, I told you about my trip abroad, alone, as an 11 year old, in an exchange program and how I learned many things from my interactions. And then, in episode two, I told you about the importance of collecting data to review in a future moment. And then episode three. I mentioned the four success pillars of global leadership called “The Global Leadership Pillars™. Now in episode four, I want to show you how they all fit together! From that trip, besides the tea, the bath, and some other small details, I have very few memories to learn from [00:07:00] because I did not document that experience. Well that’s okay. I was just 11. But fast forward, many years later and already working for the corporate world, I had some international experiences for work, and other types of experiences that I did document. Every time I read my entries for those trips, I would reflect on them and come up with new learning bites that serve me as a leader, growing my cultural competence. For example, in 2006, I was at the global conference and I noticed how different groups prioritize their times.

[00:07:41] Taty: Asians with work until later, but get wasted in happy hours. Latinos seemed to focus on their health and bodies. And go to the gym early in the morning. And Europeans seemed to cherish a “me time” quite often at night.

[00:07:56] Taty: The small cultural behavioral patterns [00:08:00] reflect how different cultures set their priorities and values. Europeans frequently skipped our get togethers at night because they valued their privacy and wanted to be sharp for the next day.

[00:08:13] Taty: Asians got wasted in social interactions, so that they can release some steam and socialize since relationship building and strong bonds are big values for them. Latinos take care of their bodies because they value their health and want to stay on top of things. Both for their kids and elders, since in their society, they feel heavily responsible for both.

[00:08:38] Taty: We cannot see patterns, understand patterns. And work with patterns. If first, we don’t take the time to find them. We do so by collecting and organizing data in our memories. Through journaling and then reflecting on them.

[00:08:57] Taty: Reflecting on good experiences is easy [00:09:00] and pleasant. Most of us don’t have trouble doing so. But like in Christopher’s case, when we are in deep shit, it’s hard to be brutally honest with ourselves and take responsibility.

[00:09:13] Taty: When things are not going well, it’s awfully easy to jump into the blame game. And try to find those we could PIN all blame for our misery.

[00:09:23] Taty: But look, we don’t have control over other people. Even when we technically do, we don’t.

[00:09:30] Taty: We can’t be sure what people will think, say, and do. However we have full control over ourselves, our decisions and what we do about them.

[00:09:43] Taty: That’s why a great way to learn and take advantage of our own experiences is using a methodology called shadow work.

[00:09:50] Taty: This is a term originally coined to reflect on personal traits that you don’t like, those that you would prefer to pretend [00:10:00] they do not exist and then integrate these traits into your personality in a more useful and productive way. To thrive and make progress in life.

[00:10:11] Taty: For example, let’s say that you are often teased for being very talkative as a child. Because you developed the believe that you talk too much, you start changing this personality trait. Weighing every conversation to see if you “did it again.”

[00:10:28] Taty: You’re always on edge and self-aware when it comes to talking with other people. One day. Hmm. Let’s make things up to spice up a bit. Someone makes a comment while you were preparing for a presentation. “Hey. Be careful not to put many words on the slide.”

[00:10:48] Taty: And with that, you secretly become very upset.

[00:10:53] Taty: The person never said you are a wordy person. You inferred that [00:11:00] yourself. And you offended you yourself, in your head. That’s called self-talk.

[00:11:08] Taty: Your shadows depend on what you have in your heart, in your subconscious mind. And not really in what other people actually say.

[00:11:17] Taty: In other words. It’s not about what they say. It’s about what you hear. What you hear yourself say.

[00:11:26] Taty: Similarly, certain situations are not about what people think, say, or do or what they did not think, say, or do. Rather, it’s about what you are not thinking, saying, and doing. And that’s why this methodology can be expanded to be applied to entire situations as well. Not only personality traits.

[00:11:49] Taty: What happens when you don’t journal and reflect on your shadows?

[00:11:54] Taty: Think about Christopher’s story, what happened to him? He [00:12:00] was ready to place blame, right? His confidence was down to drains; his trust in his team, and his boss was shaky. His self-talk was clearly taking the best of him. He was ready to give up. Wasn’t he?

[00:12:15] Taty: So, yep. You nailed it. This is exactly what happens when you are deep in the trenches and don’t take time to stop and self-reflect.

[00:12:25] Taty: One, you start to spiral into overthinking.

[00:12:29] Taty: Two. Your self-talk becomes more abusive of yourself. In other words, you “shit-talk” yourself.

[00:12:36] Taty: Number three, your confidence gets pressed to even lower levels.

[00:12:42] Taty: Then you sel f loath. Then you display aggressive behavior towards others. Deep down in your subconscious, you’re thinking, “the best defense is a good attack.” Now… very often, this is very misguided.

[00:12:57] Taty: You can self deceit and deceive others. [00:13:00] And this is your mind preventing you from becoming embarrassed.

[00:13:04] Taty: But that won’t be helpful. Not for long anyway.

[00:13:08] Taty: And finally you create more anxiety and maybe even depression. So, how are any of these helpful? Tell me?

[00:13:16] Taty: Of course, none of these are helpful. One bit! For starters, they will create stress hormones in your body and make everything feel worse.

[00:13:25] Taty: But how can journaling and reflecting solve any of these?

[00:13:29] Taty: Well, let’s think this way.

[00:13:31] Taty: Imagine you want to crochet. But you have a tangled ball of thread.

[00:13:36] Taty: Will you be able to knit or crochet anything with the tangled tread? Of course not. You have to first untangle everything. Untangling the tread won’t create you that perfectly fluffy crochet pullover. Right? But it will allow you to start creating one.

[00:13:56] Taty: Likewise journaling and reflecting won’t solve you [00:14:00] anything, but will allow you to untangle the tread ball in your mind.

[00:14:05] Taty: And the more you do it, the more experienced you’ll become in untangling your thoughts. Sometimes, when things get too far, we might need the aid of a professional executive coach, for example. But even if you need extra help, you will need to start it off by mapping things down and reflecting on them.

[00:14:25] Taty: Which is what you will probably do in your first sessions with this coach. So our lesson today, is to take some time to reflect and journal on difficult situations, jotting down thoughts, feelings, and facts, including your own behavior and reactions to the situations, fears, and perceived roadblocks, as much as possible.

[00:14:51] Taty: You’ll notice that while you were writing down this five aspects, you’ll naturally start reflecting on the entire situation. While writing down, [00:15:00] you should not analyze our judge them at first.

[00:15:02] Taty: Hold your horses! In the next session of the podcast, I will share a full framework. For now, just know that while journaling, you must only focus on pouring everything out of your chest, in the most truthful way possible.

[00:15:18] Taty: Once you are done — and, let me tell you that it might take more than one sitting — you should leave it for a while, and do something else to take her mind off of the problem. Watch a movie. Play with your kids, do Sudoku or whatever, whatever is effective for you to concentrate on something else. The word concentration here is key.

[00:15:42] Taty: Did you know that meditation is nothing more than a concentration exercise? Yes, it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Researchers at the Columbia university medical center, claim that meditation can change the structure and function of the brain through relaxation, which [00:16:00] can reduce stress and anxiety and depression. While at the same time, increasing focus, learning concentration, memory and even attention span.

[00:16:11] Taty: So journaling is a form of meditation, in the sense that you are concentrating on one specific topic.

[00:16:17] Taty: That you are writing and reflecting on.

[00:16:20] Taty: So you need to take a break after this exercise. And think or do something else.

[00:16:27] Taty: Also research shows that, when we give some time to a difficult topic that we’ve reflected on, we tend to help the brain, keep it on the back burner. While the unconscious mind keeps digging into it. Once we returned to the topic, we tend to become more creative and faster about solving the issue or topic at hand.

[00:16:50] Taty: If you can sleep on the matter, the better, if not, at least give yourself one full hour of mental break.

[00:16:58] Taty: When returning to your [00:17:00] journal, then it’s time to reflect on the entry with a problem solving approach. After all, if you are feeling miserable, it’s because you have a situation. A problem probably to solve.

[00:17:13] TODAY’S STEPS TO APPLY WHAT YOU LEARNED

[00:17:13] TODAYS APPLICATION: Today’s tips to apply what you learned.

[00:17:23] Taty: Let’s structure what you heard in the learned so that you can have a framework for using journaling and reflecting going forward.

[00:17:30] Taty: Step one. Of course, have a journal. Preferably one that you will always use, you can keep separate journals for different topics. For example, one for work, one for your love life. However you decide to organize yourself, it’s best if you keep things in the same place.

[00:17:48] Taty: Step two. Create criteria for journaling and reflecting. People often say to create a routine for things. Creating a routine is nothing more than [00:18:00] defining criteria for something.

[00:18:02] Taty: For example, you can define that every time you notice a very negative self-talk trend in your head, caused by something at work it’s time to journal and reflect.

[00:18:13] Taty: Number three. Take the time for journaling and reflecting.

[00:18:18] Taty: Look. If you have to be disturbed and interrupted all the time, then you are not executing this step correctly. Taking the time means doing something with undivided attention.

[00:18:30] Taty: Find a comfortable and private place to do it. You are pouring your thoughts, feelings, and fears, for crying out loud. You want privacy!

[00:18:39] Taty: Step four, cover the following questions thoroughly.

[00:18:43] Taty: What are my feelings about the situation, then ask what else? And what else? Ask as many, “what elses” you need to cover everything!

[00:18:56] Taty: Define words for each feeling. Even if the [00:19:00] words are very embarrassing or even ugly.

[00:19:03] Taty: What are my thoughts about this situation? What kind of thoughts am I also having that, I am not telling myself.

[00:19:12] Taty: What were my initial reactions or behavior in this situation. And then how did I refrain from reacting or behaving in this situation, that pissed me so off?

[00:19:25] Taty: What the frack do I really fear about the situation? What’s the worst of the worst that can happen from this? What kind of roadblocks is this situation creating for me? For a goal I have, or for my reputation, career, et cetera.

[00:19:42] Taty: And then, try to jot down the known facts. So ask, what are the known facts. For example, how did this situation happen? Where did it happen? Don’t be vague here, say exactly where like country, state, city, building, including room, side of the [00:20:00] room and everything you can recall.

[00:20:02] Taty: Remember, you might need this when you reflect again in the future. And this will help you jog your memory for other things as well.

[00:20:11] Taty: Then keep asking, when precisely did it start happening? Why did it happen? Who were the players involved? And, think deeply about every single soul, even those, you might feel unrelated. List all of them. And what part did they play in this situation? Even if they were mere audience.

[00:20:33] Taty: Keep asking, what exactly happened? List all chronological events and facts.

[00:20:40] Taty: Step five. Take a break.

[00:20:43] Taty: Go to something else that will effectively take your mind off of this topic. If you can sleep on this, meaning, you can take this on again, only on the following day, the better. If you can’t because the situation demands action or [00:21:00] decisions urgently, then take at least one very effective hour of break.

[00:21:06] Taty: Step six. Go back to your journal, retrieve your entry, and re-read it. Carefully read everything that you registered and start noticing your thoughts about what you read. Does this record feel a bit over-reacted? Under-reacted or perfectly on point.

[00:21:27] Taty: Step seven, start figuring things out. You will notice that step four is nothing more than using the 5WH methodology, to address the situation and gather data to solve a problem. If you want to learn more about this, read my article on this topic, using the link in the show notes below.

[00:21:46] Taty: Now in step seven, to start figuring things out, you will need to answer a few questions.

[00:21:53] Taty: Why exactly did I feel the way I felt. When in the past, did I feel the same way?

[00:21:59] Taty: How are [00:22:00] these two events connected? What’s present in the two events that made me feel this way.

[00:22:07] Taty: Regarding my initial thoughts, how is another way to think about this and view this? What is there that I am missing?

[00:22:16] Taty: Now go over each of the players you listed. Meaning each of the persons you listed as present or that participated in the event and answer. What does this person would want in this situation? What might they be thinking now? And lastly, what would they do next? Please list these three things for each person of your list.

[00:22:42] Taty: Then go on asking regarding my fears, what can I do today to reduce the possibility of this fear happening? Regarding my fears, who must I talk to in order to pull strings in a more long-term to prevent my fears from happening.

[00:22:59] Taty: [00:23:00] Regarding the roadblocks that this situation brings, what can I do today to mitigate them?

[00:23:06] Taty: Regarding the roadblocks that this situation brings, who must I talk to in order to pull the strings in a more long term, to mitigate the roadblocks.

[00:23:16] Taty: Then you can ask, now that things come to this, what are a few scenarios that might happen. List what needs to happen in each scenario for “IT” to fold that way.

[00:23:29] Taty: If the worst happens, how must I be prepared? In terms of connections, money, resources, places, time, et cetera.

[00:23:38] Taty: And then finally ask. What is the hidden opportunity here? That I can take to my advantage. For example, who else is pissed off that I can partner with? Think outside the box here when answering this one. If you see you are not getting anywhere, find someone trustworthy to brainstorm with.[00:24:00] Hire an executive or a life coach, if you have two.

[00:24:02] Taty: Step eight, draw conclusions and create a plan of action.

[00:24:07] Taty: Remember the crochet? You are not doing all these untangling for nothing. Start defining some things you can do, based on your conclusions. If you’re not very good at creating plans and strategies, find someone to help you out. Many coaches like me are specialized in creating plans. So find and engage them if you need.

[00:24:28] Taty: Step nine. Take action. This step sound silly, right? But it’s not! When we are deep in the shit, sometimes it takes a lot of courage to make a move. I get it. If you find yourself in a situation where you cannot summon the courage to take the action that you really need, find someone to give you a little nudge. If you are already working with an executive coach, and they Excel in what they do, they will probably do their work and give you exactly the [00:25:00] nudge that you need.

[00:25:01]

[00:25:01] Taty: very well. This concludes the framework for the first time review of the situation.

[00:25:07] Taty: Now, what I want you to think of, as a possibility, is to review this record in one year, for example.

[00:25:15] Taty: If you go from step seven to nine, again, after six or more months, you will notice that you will learn new things about yourself and the event.

[00:25:26] Taty: And why the frack would you want to do this in the first place, right? Well, very simply because learning new things from a previous situation that is already in the past, makes you more prepared for similar situation, in the future. The more aware you become, the faster and better your reactions will be the next time. And the more manageable they will feel to you.

[00:25:52] Taty: Which, by the way, will positively impact your confidence, your credibility, and executive [00:26:00] presence, if it’s in a work-related situation.

[00:26:02] KEY TAKEAWAYS

[00:26:02] KEY TAKEAWAYS: Key Takeaways

[00:26:12] Taty: what’s your main takeaway from this episode? Here are mine.

[00:26:16] Taty: Number one. Don’t throw things under the rug. Journal and reflect on situations that make you feel agitated or miserable.

[00:26:24] Taty: Number two. Define criteria for when you should be journaling and reflecting on a situation. Completing the entire nine step framework may take you time. So you might want to create criteria to help you prioritize your time.

[00:26:40] Taty: Number three. Taking time to journal, and reflect will help you create novel ways to react and get out of the situation you are in. Plus, it will help you move from a victim or a blame mode into a more productive problem solving approach.

[00:26:55] Taty: Number four, use the nine step process of journaling and reflecting [00:27:00] to gain self-awareness and potential solutions for your problems.

[00:27:04] Taty: Number five. Get help from a specialized executive or a life coach, if, and when you need it.

[00:27:11] Taty: Number six, make a habit of revisiting your journal so that you can create new learning opportunities to widen your experience from the same event.

[00:27:23] HIGHLIGHTS

[00:27:23] Taty: This brings us to the end of this leadership Nest episode. We hope you have enjoyed learning about journaling and reflecting with the purpose of amplifying your experience and solving your problems.

[00:27:36] Taty: Tune into our episode next week, when we will be chatting about the first pillar of the global leadership pillars. The personal leadership pillar.

[00:27:44] Taty: Wherever you are in the globe, this is Taty Fittipaldi, wishing you a beautiful day.

[00:27:50] Wrap up

[00:27:50]  If you have any questions you’d like us to answer in a future episode of the [00:28:00] show, just go to speakpipe. com slash Taty Fittipaldi or click the link in the show notes below to leave us a brief audio message. Make sure to visit us on our website, www.leadershipnest.com, where you can subscribe to our show anywhere podcasts are streamed so you never miss a show. While there, if you find value in our show, you can also subscribe to our Global Leadership Weekly Newsletter from Coaching Expatriates, where we deliver bite sized lessons on global leadership, decision making, and cultural competence to help you learn how to think, relate, and strategize, in a whole different way as a global leader. If you liked the show, you might want to check our online global executive leadership program, a nine week leadership development and learning system that will help you lead internationally while making financially conscious and impactful decisions. [00:29:00] Taty Fittipaldi is also available for private coaching. See the website for more details at www.coachingexpatriates.com/executive-coaching. Thanks for joining us this week on the Leadership Nest Podcast. Be sure to tune in next week for next episode. Until the next time, keep nesting! Wherever you are in the globe, this is this is Taty Fittipaldi wishing you a beautiful day.