Episode #10 – PART I  – Nailing It: Mastering Work Relationships Through Expectations Management

 

[00:00:00] Taty Fittipaldi: It’s often said we leave a boss and not the company. Do we really leave a boss or do we leave because there are gaps in expectations with a boss or a company?

[00:00:11] Taty Fittipaldi: In today’s episode, we’re diving into some intriguing insights about work relationships. We will be unpacking the complexities of managing expectations and exploring the fine balance between supportive and discouraging dynamics.

[00:00:27] Taty Fittipaldi: So, whether you are on your daily commute or just chilling at home, grab your favorite beverage kickback, and let’s get started on this insightful journey.

[00:00:37] INTRODUCTION: Hello and welcome to the Leadership Nest Podcast. The podcast that nests stories, knowledge, and science to soar the leadership in you. I’m your host, Taty Fittipaldi. As always, our podcast will be divided into three phases. A story, a lesson, and its application. [00:01:00] This way, you can have structure and information while also having some fun.

[00:01:08] INTRODUCTION: This program is brought to you by… by Coaching Expatriates.

[00:01:11] TODAY’S STORY

[00:01:11] TODAY’S STORY: Today’s story.

[00:01:20] Taty Fittipaldi: Once upon a time in the noisy city of New York there, lived the diligent and driven professional named Trishna. Trisha was a new Hindi American employee in a global pharmaceutical firm.

[00:01:38] Taty Fittipaldi: And the kind of employee who poured her heart and soul into every project, always going the extra mile to ensure success. Trishna had true ownership. Her dedication was undeniable and her enthusiasm was contagious. She believed her hard work and undeniable results were all it took to ascend [00:02:00] the corporate ladder. One day, Trishna found herself faced with a monumental project that carried the weight of high expectations. The task was daunting and the deadline was tight, but Trishna was undeterred. She rolled up her sleeves and night after night, burnt the midnight oil to meet the looming deadline.

[00:02:22] Taty Fittipaldi: She knew that success on this project could be her ticket to the long awaited promotion she has been looking for.

[00:02:29] Taty Fittipaldi: As the days turned into weeks, Trisha became increasingly confident in the quality of her work. She was convinced that her efforts spoke for themselves and her manager, Mr. Johnson would surely recognize her dedication and exceptional results.

[00:02:46] Taty Fittipaldi: After all Trishna thought who could ignore such an outstanding performance.

[00:02:53] Taty Fittipaldi: But the weeks turned [00:03:00] into months, and there was only silence from Mr. Johnson. No words of praise, no acknowledgement, nothing.

[00:03:08] Taty Fittipaldi: Trishna’s hope for a promotion began to wane. And frustration started to creep in.

[00:03:13] Taty Fittipaldi: She couldn’t understand why her hard work wasn’t being noticed or appreciated.

[00:03:19] Taty Fittipaldi: As Trishna awaited her annual performance review, Trishna’s mind raced with questions. Was her work, not exceptional as she believed? Had she made a mistake in assuming that her efforts alone would secure the promotion? Doubt and anxiety weighed on her.

[00:03:37] Taty Fittipaldi: Finally the day for the performance review arrived. Trishna entered Mr. Johnson’s office with a mix of hope and trepidation. The conversation that followed was eyeopening to say the least.

[00:03:49] Taty Fittipaldi: In the dimly lit office, Mr. Johnson, a seasoned and perceptive manager, began the [00:04:00] conversation with a warm smile. He could sense Trishna’s anticipation and chose his words carefully.

[00:04:07] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Johnson Krishna, I appreciate all the hard work you’ve put into this project. Your dedication and commitment have not gone unnoticed.

[00:04:16] Taty Fittipaldi: Trishna, brimming with expectation. Oh, thank you, Mr. Johnson. I’ve been working really hard on this, and I was hoping that…

[00:04:24] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Johnson gently interrupted. Uh, huh, I understand Trishna, I just came to realize that you were hoping this project would lead to a promotion, right?

[00:04:35] Taty Fittipaldi: Trishna slowly nodded, feeling a mix of relief, curiosity, and confusion.

[00:04:41] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Johnson. Here’s the thing, Trishna, your work on this project has been exemplary. There’s no doubt about that. However, I need to be honest with you. While your results are outstanding, there has been a gap in our communication. And that’s mostly my [00:05:00] fault. I realize. I’ve been overwhelmed with, you know, other matters and I should have set better expectations and communication flow, since you’re a new employee.

[00:05:10] Taty Fittipaldi: Trishna’s heart sank, as Mr. Johnson continued. You see, I wasn’t fully aware of your aspirations and expectations. I assumed your dedication was solely driven by your passion for this project. Not necessarily a desire for a promotion. It just hit me today at the beginning of this conversation, by the way you sounded.

[00:05:32] Taty Fittipaldi: Trishna blinked processing Mr. Johnson’s words. The gap in their communication became painfully apparent.

[00:05:39] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Johnson. And I also realized that there was a gap in our perceptions. I assumed that you understood the criteria for promotion in this company. But perhaps I should have been more explicit about it and what we are looking in a candidate.

[00:05:57] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Johnson went on to explain the [00:06:00] criteria for the job promotion and what were the things Trishna needed to do going forward to meet the criteria in the near future.

[00:06:08] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Johnson wrapped up. So, you see, having an outstanding performance on this project alone will not get what you want. Of course, it’s a good start and I’m sure it will speak loudly for others decision-makers, once you meet the criteria. So let’s work together, on some of these points I mentioned, so that you can be better equipped to achieve this in the near future. How about that?

[00:06:32] Taty Fittipaldi: Trisha was silent, absorbing the unexpected feedback. It was a moment of clarity, the kind That’s things at first, but ultimately leads do growth.

[00:06:43] Taty Fittipaldi: Trishna left Mr. Johnson’s office that day with mixed emotions. Frustration still lingered, but it was followed by a glimmer of hope. Mr. Johnson had recognized the gaps in their communication and perceptions, and he was committed [00:07:00] to addressing them. Over the following weeks, Trishna and Mr. Johnson worked together to redefine their working relationship. They set clear expectations, communicated openly about career goals, and stablish to plan for Trishna’s professional growth. It was a transformative experience that shifted the dynamics of their working relationship. As Trishna looked ahead, she realized that while the path to her promotion might have been delayed, it was now more clearly luminated. She felt encouraged, not only by the new rules and expectations, but by the genuine commitment from her boss to support her career aspirations.

[00:07:45] Taty Fittipaldi: The story of Trishna teaches us a valuable lesson about the significance of effective communication and managing expectations in the workplace. It’s easy to assume as an employee, that our efforts alone will lead [00:08:00] to recognition and success, but the reality often requires more. And it’s easy to assume, as a manager, that our employee knows our expectations. In this case, Trishna’s dedication, was unquestionable but without aligning her expectations and aspirations with her managers and other stakeholders, she found herself in a frustrating situation.

[00:08:26] Taty Fittipaldi: Do you want to see your name as a character in a future story? Go to speak pipe.com/tatyfittipaldi or I click the link in the show notes and share an audio message with us, with your name and a quick summary of your complex global challenge, and how you solved it. Your lessons learned could be featured in a future episode of the show. Don’t forget to leave your email so we can contact you.

[00:08:52] TODAY’S LESSON

[00:08:52] TODAY’S LESSON: Today’s lesson.[00:09:00]

[00:09:01] Taty Fittipaldi: In the world of work, relationships are like those invisible threads that weave the fabric of every successful global leader’s journey.

[00:09:11] Taty Fittipaldi: These connections are more than just friendly camaradarie. They define our professional existence and influence our ability to make better decisions. But here’s the catch. Just like any human relationship, they’re not all sunshine and rainbows.

[00:09:29] Taty Fittipaldi: They can have their fair share of pitfalls and challenges.

[00:09:33] Taty Fittipaldi: When it comes to work relationships, expectations are the name of the game. My husband can’t barely stand how much I parrot about the importance of managing expectations in the workplace.

[00:09:47] Taty Fittipaldi: You see, we all have expectations, whether it’s expecting a colleague to meet a deadline, hoping for recognition from your boss or anticipating a collaborative and supportive team [00:10:00] environment. While healthy expectations can be motivating and productive, the pitfalls of unrealistic or uncommunicated expectations are something we should be aware of, like we saw in our story today.

[00:10:13] Taty Fittipaldi: To navigate this intricate landscape of work relationships successfully, it’s crucial to manage expectations effectively. To cultivate healthier, more productive and fulfilling work relationships, we must focus on the following lessons.

[00:10:29] Taty Fittipaldi: Lesson one, the danger of uncommunicated expectations and assumptions.

[00:10:35] Taty Fittipaldi: What happened in our story today? Trishna assumed her efforts and desires were self-evident. Trishna believed her manager could read her mind. And oh boy, was that a classic case of uncommunicated expectations and assumptions in action. Now let’s cut to the chase. This happens to the best of us, and it’s like [00:11:00] one way ticket to the land of misunderstanding, frustrations and disappointments. Your boss might have absolutely no clue that you were expecting a pat on the back because you never spelled it out.

[00:11:14] Taty Fittipaldi: So what’s the golden lesson here? It’s simple, my friends: open communication and don’t wait the other party to talk to you. Be proactive in communicating.

[00:11:25] Taty Fittipaldi: Whether you are eyeing a promotion, craving for some recognition, have specific career goals in mind, or finally aiming for retirement, for example, here’s the deal: have a candid conversation with the folks who need to know. Not only with your boss, but with all your stakeholders. But start with your boss. You don’t want to get him caught by surprise, if someone else reaches out to him first, with the topic before you.

[00:11:53] Taty Fittipaldi: Don’t sit there expecting that people are mind readers. Talk it out, express your expectations and let [00:12:00] your goals shine in the spotlight. It’s like giving everyone a roadmap of your dreams or, well, at least your thoughts. In return collect data that will help you out. We talked about collecting data in previous episodes. Use the power of questions to understand what people expect from you. The more you ask and the more specific you are, the better.

[00:12:23] Taty Fittipaldi: So remember this, don’t let those assumptions and unspoken expectations trip you up. Speak your mind, open those lines of communication and watch those work relationships thrive like never before.

[00:12:37] Taty Fittipaldi: Lesson two. The negative consequences of unrealistic expectations.

[00:12:42] Taty Fittipaldi: First, we addressed unspoken expectations. Now let’s talk about gauging our expectations. Expectations are like spices in a dish. You need just the right amount to make things flavorful, but too much, and it can get [00:13:00] pretty spicy. So let’s talk about unrealistic expectations. Picture this scenario, you’re working in a team and you expect everyone to nod in agreement with your ideas. No questions asked. You’ve got confidence in your vision, and you want others to see in the same way. But what happens when those expectations aren’t met?

[00:13:23] Taty Fittipaldi: That’s when things can get a little Rocky.

[00:13:26] Taty Fittipaldi: Unrealistic expectations of unwavering agreements can put a choke hold on creativity and teamwork. Your colleagues might start feeling that they are walking on egg shells. Fearing that any deviation from your vision could spell trouble.

[00:13:42] Taty Fittipaldi: And let’s not forget the flip side of this coin. You two may start resenting your colleagues for not meeting those sky high expectations. It’s like a recipe for frustration and conflict, right?

[00:13:57] Taty Fittipaldi: Now here’s the nugget of wisdom for [00:14:00] this lesson. Realistic expectations are the name of the game. We are talking about setting the kind of expectations, that are based on open communication, collaboration, and a dash of humility.

[00:14:13] Taty Fittipaldi: And what does this lesson have to do with the previous one? Well, you cannot evaluate how realistic or unrealistic your expectations are, if they remain unspoken.

[00:14:25] Taty Fittipaldi: That’s why it is important to talk it out.

[00:14:27] Taty Fittipaldi: So the takeaway here is simple. Unpack those unrealistic expectations, toss them out of the window, and replaced them with realistic ones, by specifically asking people’s expectations and sharing yours. Your work relationships will thank you for that.

[00:14:46] Taty Fittipaldi: Lesson three, there are two sides of the relationship coin: supportive and discouraging relationships.

[00:14:54] Taty Fittipaldi: Supportive relationships are like warm sunshine on a chilly [00:15:00] day. Supportive relationships thrive on shared goals, encouragement, matching values, and the beautiful gift of non-judgment.

[00:15:09] Taty Fittipaldi: They’re like your cheerleaders in life and work. They energize you, motivate you to be your best self and they provide a safe space for authenticity. In these relationships, your aspirations and ambitions aren’t just acknowledged. They are actively encouraged.

[00:15:28] Taty Fittipaldi: On the flip side, we have discouraging relationships. Picture dark storm clouds on a sunny day. These relationships lack support, often display discouraging behaviors, have conflicting values and can involve judgment or a gaslighting. In simpler terms, they are the naysayers, the constant critics, or the folks who make you doubt your reality.

[00:15:55] Taty Fittipaldi: But here’s the secret sauce. It’s all about [00:16:00] balance. Because nobody’s perfect. We’re talking about an 80 20 balance. Aim for 80% of your time to have supportive relationships, where encouragement, shared values, and authenticity thrive. But let’s not forget that lives serves up its fair share of challenges and conflicts. That’s where the other 20% comes in, allowing for those occasional discouraging moments. After all, there was no one relationship that is 100% perfect.

[00:16:32] Taty Fittipaldi: Everyone around us can have their bad days. And it will be our time to be supportive. It’s how we navigate and grow these experiences, that truly matters.

[00:16:44] Taty Fittipaldi: In our story today, Mr. Johnson quickly realized he was providing a discouraging relationship, up to that point. And he committed to changing this, once he realized his overwhelm was preventing him from doing [00:17:00] a good job with a new employee.

[00:17:02] Taty Fittipaldi: At the same time, Trishna realized after the conversation, that Mr. Johnson was not supportive because he was bad. And he tried to made up to her, by working with her on her goals.

[00:17:14] Taty Fittipaldi: This is a great example of this lesson, that shows how many of our life and work interactions can be a push and pull between good and bad moments. And we can only navigate this push and pull well, with a strong emotional regulation, which will be a topic for a future episode, by the way.

[00:17:33] Taty Fittipaldi: So as you go about your day, remember this: in the grand symphony of life, it’s the balance between supportive and discouraging interactions, that creates the sweetest melody in relationships. Because nobody’s perfect and no relationship is perfect either. So long as the majority of the time, our relationship is supportive, it should continue and [00:18:00] thrive.

[00:18:00] TODAY’S TIPS TO APLLY WHAT YOU LEARNED

[00:18:00] TODAY’S TIPS TO APPLY WHAT YOU LEARNED: Today’s tips to apply what you learned.

[00:18:10] Taty Fittipaldi: To apply these three lessons that our story brought today, I’d like to offer eight ideas for you.

[00:18:16] Taty Fittipaldi: Number one self reflection. First and foremost, it all begins with you. Take some time for introspection. If you’re not the kind of person who naturally does this, hire a coach to help you out. Understand your own expectations and needs for a job and for a healthy workplace, especially if you are starting a new job.

[00:18:38] Taty Fittipaldi: Number two. Open and honest communication. Communication is a cornerstone for us global leaders. Create an open and safe space for a dialogue with your colleagues, direct reports and stakeholders, including your boss.

[00:18:54] Taty Fittipaldi: Whether it’s related to project deadlines, roles, responsibilities, or [00:19:00] constructive feedback, don’t leave anything to assumptions. Express your expectations explicitly. No one’s a mind reader. In turn, don’t forget to clearly ask what other people expect in each situation. If you see a gap, don’t throw any potential conflict under the carpet! Talk it out, Solve it professionally, and with emotional regulation.

[00:19:26] Taty Fittipaldi: Number three. Empathy and active listening. Now let’s put our empathy hats here, although I know it’s kind of hard in a competitive world where performance and results speak the loudest.

[00:19:40] Taty Fittipaldi: We do need to practice this. It might not come easy to all of us. Cultivate empathy by trying to understand your stakeholder’s perspectives and emotions. But don’t stop there. Be an active listener. Pay attention, ask clarifying questions [00:20:00] and show that you genuinely care about what they’re saying. Then go a step further. And be an intuitive listener. Listen in between the lines and what was not said.

[00:20:13] Taty Fittipaldi: You will see how this tip alone will make dramatic changes, in setting and aligning expectations around you.

[00:20:21] Taty Fittipaldi: Number four. Negotiation and compromise.

[00:20:25] Taty Fittipaldi: As I said during the lesson, sometimes, expectations might clash. That’s where negotiation and compromises come in. It’s part of any conflict resolution mechanism. Seek common ground and be willing to give a little when necessary. Collaboration and finding solutions that meet everyone’s needs are key.

[00:20:46] Taty Fittipaldi: Number five document expectations. When possible, get it in writing. Document your expectations and the ones of those around you. This not only reduces misunderstandings, but also [00:21:00] provides a reference point for everyone involved. Look, we live in a world of so many distractions and changes. That, let’s face it. It’s easy for people to misremember. So documenting what was set as expectations is crucial today.

[00:21:18] Taty Fittipaldi: Number six regular check-ins. Stay in touch. Life and work are ever evolving. Regular check-ins with your stakeholders are essential to ensure ongoing alignment of expectations, as circumstances change. It’s like recalibrating your compass on a long journey.

[00:21:39] Taty Fittipaldi: Don’t wait for a stakeholder, a boss, a beer, or anyone for that matter, to come to you first. Initiate the check-in yourself. Even highly hierarchical organizations will allow and maybe even appreciate your proactiveness.

[00:21:56] Taty Fittipaldi: Number seven. Adaptability and flexibility. Be [00:22:00] adaptable and flexible. Recognize that expectations may change due to unforeseen circumstances. Being rigid, won’t serve anyone well.

[00:22:11] Taty Fittipaldi: Roll with the punches and adapt as needed. Plus, sometimes people have a change of heart. So be flexible, adapt and don’t forget the previous tip about regular check-ins, which goes hand in hand with this one.

[00:22:28] Taty Fittipaldi: Number eight. Manage conflicts constructively.

[00:22:31] Taty Fittipaldi: Look, as I said, conflicts are bound to happen. They will happen. When they do address them constructively! Focus on solutions rather than playing the blame game. And if you find yourself in a deadlock, don’t hesitate to seek mediation and support.

[00:22:50] KEY TAKEAWAYS

[00:22:50] KEY TAKEAWAYS: Key Takeaways

[00:22:59] Taty Fittipaldi: [00:23:00] What’s your main takeaway from this episode? Here are mine.

[00:23:03] Taty Fittipaldi: Number one. Clearly defining your own expectations, through self reflection, is a key component for a strong work relationship. If you don’t know what you want, you can’t expect people around you to know either.

[00:23:17] Taty Fittipaldi: Number two when mapping your expectations, through self reflection, make sure to have realistic expectations. You can gauge how realistic your expectations are by specifically asking people what they expect, and by sharing yours. if you notice gaps in expectations, it might mean yours is unrealistic. But in reality, it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or theirs that are unrealistic. What matters is to close the gap.

[00:23:48] Taty Fittipaldi: Number three, don’t let assumptions and unspoken expectations at work trip you up. Open those lines of communication: speak your mind, ask questions, be [00:24:00] empathetic while listening and pay attention carefully to what people say, what they don’t say, and everything in between.

[00:24:08] Taty Fittipaldi: Number four. Adaptability and regular check-ins are vital for maintaining the alignment of expectations. Things change, situations change, hearts change. And to stay on top of it, we have to check in on expectations and adapt if needed.

[00:24:27] Taty Fittipaldi: Number five. Conflict of expectations.

[00:24:30] Taty Fittipaldi: Conflict of expectations, which is a wider form of expectations gap, is bound to happen in any work relationship. The existence of conflict doesn’t make the company or any work relationship bed. How the conflict is resolved is what matters.

[00:24:50] Taty Fittipaldi: Number six, no company, no work relationship is perfect. Seek to strike an 80 20 balance between supportive and [00:25:00] discouraging work relationships. If 80% of the time, these work relationships, including the relationship with a company per se, are healthy, you can consider this as a thriving and healthy relationship. When the discouraging aspect weighs much more though, it means it became a toxic work relationship.

[00:25:22] Taty Fittipaldi: . This brings us to the end of this Leadership Nest episode. I hope you have enjoyed learning about expectations management at work, for strong work relationships. But this is not over. In the next episode, we will continue to deliver critical information and tips about managing expectations. So stay tuned.

[00:25:43] Taty Fittipaldi: Thanks for joining us this week on The Leadership Nest™ podcast. Be sure to tune in next week for our next episode.

[00:25:53] Taty Fittipaldi: Wherever you are in the globe, this is Taty Fittipaldi withing you a beautiful day.

[00:25:59] Taty Fittipaldi: [00:26:00] If you have any questions, you’d like us to answer in a future episode of the show, just go to speak pipe.com/tatyfittipaldi or click the link in the show notes to leave us a brief audio message. Make sure to visit us on our website, www.theleadershipnest.com. Where you can subscribe to our show, anywhere podcasts are streamed, so you never miss the fun.

[00:26:28] Taty Fittipaldi: While there, If you find value in our show, you can also subscribe to our global leadership weekly newsletter from Coaching Expatriates, where we deliver bite sized lessons on global leadership, decision-making, and cultural competence, to help you learn how to think, relate and interact, in a whole different way as a global leader.

[00:26:49] Taty Fittipaldi: If you liked our show, you might want to check our online global executive leadership program. A nine week leadership development and learning system that will help you lead [00:27:00] internationally, while making financially conscious and impactful decisions.

[00:27:04] Taty Fittipaldi: Taty Fittipaldi is also available for private coaching. See the website for more details at www.coachingexpatriates.com/executive-coaching.

[00:27:17] Taty Fittipaldi: Thank you for listening to The Leadership Nest™ podcast. Until the next time. Keep nesting.