Episode #16 – Jekyll & Hyde Behind the Espresso Machine: Startling Examples of Human Behavior Affecting Moral Judgement

 

[00:00:00] INTRIDUCTION

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[00:00:00] Taty Fittipaldi: Have you ever experienced being treated poorly by a waiter at a restaurant? How did it make you feel? And perhaps more importantly, how much did you tip in that situation?

[00:00:12] Taty Fittipaldi: In today’s episode of The Leadership Nest™ podcast, we are delving deep into the intriguing world of human behavior, attitudes, and their unexpected consequences. In this – what I hope to be – thought-provoking journey, we’ll explore how attitudes matter, not only in our personal lives, but also in our professional endeavors. You’ll discover the incredible impact of maintaining a positive attitude, showing respect, and radiating kindness, based on what science has to say. But that’s just the beginning. We’ll also unravel the fascinating connection between behavior and moral decisions. Tune in as we reveal how your actions, whether they are marked by a smile or a scowl [00:01:00] can influence the ethical choices and decisions of those around you. Plus, we’ll shed some light on the intriguing interplay between punishment and integrity, demonstrating that human behavior is often driven by intricate motivations.

[00:01:16] Taty Fittipaldi: Get ready for an eyeopening discussion that will hopefully transform the way you navigate your daily interactions and relationships.

[00:01:25] NARRATOR’S NOTE: Hello and welcome to the Leadership Nest Podcast. The podcast that nests stories, knowledge, and science to soar the leadership in you. I’m your host, Taty Fittipaldi. As always, our podcast will be divided into three phases. A story, a lesson, and its application. This way, you can have structure and information while also having some fun.

[00:01:56] NARRATOR’S NOTE: This program is brought to you by… Coaching Expatriates.[00:02:00]

[00:02:00] TODAY’S STORY

[00:02:00] TODAY’S STORY: today’s story.

[00:02:10] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr Jekyll, the Barista.

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[00:02:12] Taty Fittipaldi: In a cozy little coffee shop nestled on a bustling street corner, there was a barista named Mr. Jekyll, known for his warm smile and friendly demeanor. Every morning, a diverse mix of regulars and newcomers would lineup at the counter, eager for their daily caffeine fix.

[00:02:34] Taty Fittipaldi: One bright, sunny morning, something extraordinary happened. As Mr. Jekyll prepared, cappuccinos, lattes and espressos, he unintentionally made a Peculiar mistake. Instead of giving each customer their change of $1, he handled out a crisp $20 bill. Mr. Jekyll, unaware of his error, continued to [00:03:00] serve coffee with his usual charm and amiability.

[00:03:03] Taty Fittipaldi: The first customer, a woman named Emily, ordered her usual latte and received the unexpected $20 bill in change. She glanced at it with surprise, but said nothing, assuming it was just a strange twist of fate.

[00:03:19] Taty Fittipaldi: As Emily left the coffee shop, she thought about the situation. She could certainly use an extra $20. But her conscious wouldn’t let her keep it. Especially knowing that this amount would come out of Mr. Jekyll’s pocket. He was always so warm and friendly. She could never do something like this to him! After a brief moment of struggle, she turned around, walked back into the coffee shop, and handed the $20 bill back to Mr. Jekyll, explaining the mix up.

[00:03:50] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Jekyll, still unaware of his mistake, thanked Emily for her honesty and returned her $1 change, genuinely touched by [00:04:00] her integrity.

[00:04:01] Taty Fittipaldi: As the morning continued, a steady stream of customers received $20 bills instead of $1 bills in their change. Each time, the customer, like Emily, hesitated, but ultimately chose honesty over again. They returned the extra money, one by one, to Mr. Jekyll, not wanting to hurt their beloved barista’s pocket.

[00:04:24] Taty Fittipaldi: By the end of the morning rush, Mr. Jekyll finally realized his error when he counted the cash register. His heart swelled with gratitude and amazement at the integrity of his customers. He couldn’t help but smile, thankful for the lesson in honesty that he and his patrons had inadvertently shared that day.

[00:04:46] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Hyde. The monster. I mean the barista.

[00:04:53] Taty Fittipaldi: In a remote corner of a town, there was a coffee shop, that was the only option for caffeine [00:05:00] hungry residents, but it was known more for its surly barista, Mr. Hyde, then for its coffee.

[00:05:07] Taty Fittipaldi: Mr. Hyde was notorious for his moody disposition, unfriendly demeanor, and a complete lack of attention to customer service. People begrudgingly patronized the shop, simply because there was no alternatives nearby, but they despised dealing with Mr. Hyde.

[00:05:27] Taty Fittipaldi: One gloomy morning, as the rain pattered against the coffee shop windows, Mr. Hyde served his usual dismal cups of coffee, to a line of irritated customers.

[00:05:41] Taty Fittipaldi: He was in an specially foul mood that day, making the already unpleasant experience, even worse. Unbeknownst to him, as he handed out change to his disgruntled [00:06:00] patrons, he made the fateful mistake, giving each of them, a $20 bill instead of a $1 bill.

[00:06:09] Taty Fittipaldi: The first customer, Sarah, ordered her coffee and received the unexpected $20 bill in change. She raised an eyebrow in disbelief, but decided to seize the opportunity for a small victory. After all the times she had endured Mr. Hyde’s grumpy behavior, she thought, “It served him right!” Sarah left the coffee shop with the extra money, with a smirk playing on her lips.

[00:06:39] Taty Fittipaldi: As the morning continued, more customers received the accidental windfall and their reactions were split down the middle. Half of them, like Sarah, thought that Mr. Hyde deserved this twist of fate, for his terrible attitude. They kept the $20 bills, [00:07:00] with a sense of vindication. Feeling that justice had been served. The other half, however, hesitated; they couldn’t ignore the innate sense of integrity, even if it was Mr. Hyde on the receiving end of the mistake. For these customers, honesty prevailed over revenge. They returned the extra money to Mr. Hyde, who begrudgingly accepted it, still oblivious to his attitudes’ impact.

[00:07:30] Taty Fittipaldi: This situation inadvertently highlighted a fascinating aspect of human behavior. Mr. Hyde’s constant negativity and rudeness shaped the way people reacted to his mistakes. It wasn’t that they lacked integrity. It was that they were less willing to be helpful towards someone who acted like a monster.

[00:07:54] SPONSOR’S NOTE: This episode is sponsored by Coaching Expatriates, [00:08:00] a leading global executive development company that helps leaders around the world create happier and more profitable workplaces using the four success pillars in global leadership, an innovative leadership learning methodology. Visit their website at www. coachingexpatriates. com.

[00:08:21] TODAY’S LESSON

[00:08:21] TODAY’S LESSON: Today’s lesson.

[00:08:30] Taty Fittipaldi: Our stories today are in fact real experiments, conducted by brain games. I will leave a link in the show notes, with a short video about the initial experiments for your entertainment. The experiments, though, were conducted not with regulars in a coffee shop, but with arbitrary individuals meeting with a coffee barista who was in fact an actor. What the research found out was that the way the barista [00:09:00] behaved, positive attitude or bad attitude, affected how people made decisions that could impact moral behaviors. When people were served with a bad attitude, not giving the wrong money back could be seen as a lack of integrity or negative moral behavior. However, for most of these individuals, not giving the wrong money back did not represent taking advantage or lacking integrity. Instead, in their heads, according to the research, they were just allowing fate to punish the other person’s bad behavior.

[00:09:40] Taty Fittipaldi: So the decision of giving the money back or not was more related to punishment, rather than integrity. In other words, people are more prone to punish those who they perceived as bad rather than those who they perceived as good.

[00:09:57] Taty Fittipaldi: Besides this intriguing experiment, [00:10:00] research has found other aspects involved in decision-making. So, what do research and science have to say about people’s reactions to bad behaviors and attitudes? Research and science have explored human reactions to other people’s bad attitudes and behaviors in various ways. While individual responses can vary widely, there are some common themes in findings that shed light on this phenomenon. Here are some insights from the research.

[00:10:30] Taty Fittipaldi: Number one, negative emotions and stress. Interacting with individuals who exhibit bad attitudes can lead to negative emotional reactions in others. Studies have shown that exposure to rudeness, hostility, or negativity in social interactions can evoke feelings of anger, frustration, stress, and anxiety in those on the receiving end. The greater the exposure, the greater the negative feelings. In our [00:11:00] story today, Mr. Jekyll was always nice. So people would probably cut him some slack, even if he had a bad day. Because, deep down, they knew he was always a nice guy. However, in Mr. Hyde’s case, it’s just the opposite. The frequent exposure to his bad attitude probably created more and more frustration for his customers, which probably reduced their Goodwill over time.

[00:11:27] Taty Fittipaldi: Number two. Empathy and compassion. Research has also demonstrated that people tend to respond with empathy and compassion when they witness others experiencing mistreatment or bad behavior. This is often referred to as the bystander effect, where individuals are more likely to intervene and offer support, when they perceive someone else being treated unfairly. This didn’t happen in our story today, but an already disgruntled customer [00:12:00] could probably come to the aid of another customer and start a loud confrontation in the coffee shop, which would only perpetuate a negative environment even further.

[00:12:12] Taty Fittipaldi: Number three. Reciprocity and retaliation. In some cases, people may respond to bad attitudes with reciprocation and retaliation. Which is exactly what happened to half of Mr. Hyde’s customers, who retaliated against him by not returning the wrong change. If someone is treated poorly, they may be more inclined to respond in kind, perpetuating a cycle of negativity. Conversely others may choose to avoid or distance themselves from individuals with bad attitudes. If you ever been to a place with a bad service and remember saying, I’ll never come back here. You know what I’m saying!

[00:12:55] Taty Fittipaldi: Number four. Cultural and contextual influences.[00:13:00] Cultural norms and social contexts play a significant role in shaping how people respond to bad attitudes. In some cultures like the Japanese maintaining harmony and avoiding confrontation may be prioritized. Leading individuals to respond differently than in cultures that encourage assertiveness and confrontation, like the Dutch or Germans, for example. For them in reality, they don’t even see confrontation as a confrontation. They see it as a troubleshooting of conflict and disagreement.

[00:13:34] Taty Fittipaldi: Number five. Individual differences. Individual personality traits, such as agreeableness, emotional intelligence and resilience can influence how people react to bad attitudes. For example, individuals high in agreeableness may be more likely to seek common ground and avoid conflict. While those low in agreeableness may be more inclined to [00:14:00] confront or distance themselves from negativity.

[00:14:04] Taty Fittipaldi: Number six. Social influence. People’s reactions to bad attitudes can be influenced by the behavior of those around them. If others in a group respond assertively or confrontationally to a bad behavior, individuals around maybe more likely to follow suit. Conversely, if bystanders ignore or condone a bad behavior, it can reinforce a culture of tolerance for negativity.

[00:14:32] Taty Fittipaldi: Number seven. Coping mechanisms. People develop various coping mechanisms to deal with bad attitudes. Some may try to diffuse tense situations with humor. And. Or by offering kindness in the face of negativity. Others may choose to confront a bad behavior directly while some may simply ignore or move on.

[00:14:53] Taty Fittipaldi: Overall human reactions to other people’s bad attitudes are complex and multifaceted. As you [00:15:00] can see, they are influenced by a combination of individual differences, social norms, cultural factors, and the specific context of the situation. While some individuals may respond with empathy and kindness, others may choose to assert themselves or disengage from negative interactions. However, we must never forget the impact that bad attitudes can have on other people regardless of how they react. What I’m saying is that even when people disengage or ignore, it does not mean they are not feeling hurt or bad.

[00:15:37] Taty Fittipaldi: If you know you are having a special bad day, or you know you feel moody, avoid social interactions that could hurt your reputation and trust building.

[00:15:48] Taty Fittipaldi: The lesson in this episode is to remind you that our attitudes can have a cascading effect on us. The idea that we bring things upon ourselves exist for a reason. [00:16:00] And it has to do with this lesson. When we are nice, respectful and display a positive attitude, people are more likely to treat us better because they will like us more. Likeability is one of the six principles of influence. It’s a lot harder to influence people who dislike us, then people who like us. And I’m not telling you to become a people pleaser. I’m asking you to consider how you were showing up for other people and how helpful that has been to you and your life. This episode’s lesson is the perfect preamble to help you start thinking about how you show up in life and at work, which will be crucial for our next two episodes, which we will talk about the science of perception. The perception people have of you.

[00:16:51] NARRATOR’S NOTE: You’re listening to The Leadership Nest, the podcast that nests stories, knowledge, and science [00:17:00] to soar the leadership in you with your host Taty Fittipaldi.

[00:17:08] TODAY’S TIPS TO APLLY WHAT YOU LEARNED

[00:17:08] TODAY’S TIPS TO APPLY WHAT YOU LEARNED: Today’s tips to apply what you learned.

[00:17:17] Taty Fittipaldi: I hope you tuned in and enjoyed this episode’s lesson, which is under the personal pillar structure. If you want to learn more about all four pillars, you can listen to episode three.

[00:17:29] Taty Fittipaldi: Anyway, this episode was quite an eye opener. Wasn’t it? Now let’s roll up our sleeves and talk about how can you apply these valuable insights to improve your life in both personal and professional spheres.

[00:17:45] Taty Fittipaldi: First off, let’s remember the core lesson from the episode. Our attitudes and behaviors have a significant impact on the way we’re perceived and treated by others. So, if you’re looking to enhance your [00:18:00] relationships and make positive strides in your life, here’s how you can put this lesson into practice.

[00:18:06] Taty Fittipaldi: Number one. Embrace the power of positivity. Be mindful of your attitude. As the lesson highlighted, positive attitude goes a long way in shaping how others perceive and interact with you. A smile, a friendly tone with credibility, and a respectful demeanor can work wonders in building rapport and trust with the people around you.

[00:18:30] Taty Fittipaldi: Number two. Cultivate self-awareness. Take a moment to reflect on how you are showing up in different situations. Are you radiating positivity and respect? Or are you letting negativity and moodiness take over? Self-awareness is key to recognizing how your behavior may be impacting others. For example. I know that I become moody when I’m hungry. I mean, really moody. So, I always [00:19:00] try to bring snacks or eat before important events and social interactions.

[00:19:05] Taty Fittipaldi: Number three. Think about your impact. Considere the ripple effect your actions can have on others. Just like in the coffee shop experiments, your behavior can influence the decisions and actions of those around you. Keep in mind that people are more inclined to support and cooperate with someone who they genuinely like.

[00:19:26] Taty Fittipaldi: Number four, practice empathy and compassion. Be attentive to the needs and feelings of others. If you notice someone is having a rough day or struggling extend a helping hand or a listening ear. Show empathy and compassion, as this can create a positive atmosphere and strengthen your connections. If you react to back to a negative attitude, especially if you don’t know the person too well yet, you are just perpetuating negativity.

[00:19:56] Taty Fittipaldi: Is being the contributing factor to a negative environment, [00:20:00] someone you want to be? So before reacting, think about how you’d rather contribute to a situation. With empathy and compassion, with a problem solving mindset, or with confrontation? How do you want to show up?

[00:20:15] Taty Fittipaldi: Number five. Avoid negative interactions. If you have a particularly bad day or a feeling moody, considered limiting your social interactions when possible. Avoid situations where your attitude may inadvertently harm your reputation and the trust you built over time. Remember, it takes a millennia to build trust, and just to second to destroy it.

[00:20:38] Taty Fittipaldi: Number six. Remember the golden rule. Treat others how you want to be treated. It’s a simple, yet powerful principle that can guide your actions and interactions. When you show respect and kindness, you are more likely to receive the same in return. And we talked about this in the episode nine, right? Where we explained [00:21:00] that kindness, acknowledgements, and validation reverberate! The more you do it, the more people around you do it too.

[00:21:08] Taty Fittipaldi: Number seven. Manage expectations. If you are on a bad day and can’t avoid interactions, it’s fine, so long as you manage people’s expectations. For example, if you’re having a specially awful day and your coworkers invite you for lunch, you could say something like, sorry, guys. I’m not having a good day today. Raincheck I’ll make up to you.

[00:21:33] Taty Fittipaldi: Let people know what you need and or how to help. You might not want people to know or pry about your issues, but consider that letting other people know your current boundaries is a huge universal sign of respect. Setting boundaries is setting limitations, both for you and other people.

[00:21:55] Taty Fittipaldi: When you give people clarity of limitations, you also give [00:22:00] clarity for actions. What people can and cannot do.

[00:22:04] Taty Fittipaldi: Number eight, adapt and grow. Finally, be open to change and personal growth. Just as the lesson discussed, adaptability is crucial in navigating different situations and relationships because everyone perceives and reacts to things differently. Learn from your experiences and continuously strive to improve your interactions with others across the world.

[00:22:28] Taty Fittipaldi: So there you have it! Practical steps to apply this lesson to your life. It’s all about being mindful of how you show up in the world, understanding the impact of your behavior and making conscious choices to foster positivity, respect and trust.

[00:22:45] Taty Fittipaldi: I want you to remember that you are at choice. You choose how to behave. And why to behave that way, so long as you have self-awareness and the will to implement what you learned about yourself.

[00:22:59] Taty Fittipaldi: And [00:23:00] finally a word of caution. It’s not about becoming a people pleaser, but rather about building healthier, more harmonious connections with those around you. And as we discussed in previous episodes, You are also at choice when it comes to who is around you.

[00:23:18] Taty Fittipaldi: So bottom line is you choose who to hang out with, where you hang out. And how you behave, where ever you are.

[00:23:28] KEY TAKEAWAYS

[00:23:28] KEY TAKEAWAYS: Key Takeaways

[00:23:37] Taty Fittipaldi: What’s your main takeaway for this episode? Here are mine.

[00:23:41] Taty Fittipaldi: Number one, attitude matters. The core lesson emphasized in this episode is that our attitudes and behaviors play a pivotal role in shaping how others perceive and interact with us. Maintaining a positive attitude, being respectful, and radiating [00:24:00] kindness can significantly impact the quality of our relationships in both personal and professional spheres. It’s a reminder that our behavior is a powerful tool for building trust and rapport.

[00:24:13] Taty Fittipaldi: Number two. Behavior impacts moral decisions. The way people behave, whether it’s with a positive attitude or bad attitude, can significantly influence how others make moral decisions. In the experiments discussed, the behavior of the barista had a direct impact on whether people returned the wrong change or not. This highlights that our actions can have far reaching consequences on the ethical choices and other decisions of those around us.

[00:24:46] Taty Fittipaldi: Number three. Punishment versus integrity. When individuals encounter a bad attitude, their decision of whether to return the wrong money was more related to a desire for punishment, rather than a reflection [00:25:00] of their integrity. This suggests that people may be more inclined to seek retribution against those they perceive as behaving poorly rather than simply acting with integrity. It’s a reminder that human behavior can be driven by complex motivations.

[00:25:18] Taty Fittipaldi: Number four. Understanding human reactions. Research and science have shed light on various aspects of how people react to bad behaviors and attitudes. These reactions can include negative emotions, empathy, reciprocity, cultural influences, individual differences and social influences. Recognizing these factors can help us better understand and navigate our interactions with others. Ultimately, leading to a more harmonious relationships and improved social dynamics.

[00:25:53] Taty Fittipaldi: Number five. Mindful self-reflection and adaptation. To apply this lesson [00:26:00] effectively, it’s essential to practice self-awareness and adaptability. Reflecting on how we behave in different situations and understanding the potential impact of our actions on others is key. By making conscious choices to foster positivity and empathy, we can create a more positive atmosphere, and strengthen our connections. Additionally, managing expectations and communicating our boundaries, when we are having a bad day can help maintain healthy interactions, without compromising our wellbeing.

[00:26:35] Taty Fittipaldi: This brings us to the end of this leadership Nast episode. I hope you have enjoyed the learning about how our attitudes and behaviors can have a significant impact on the way we’re perceived and treated by others. Tune into our episode next week, when we will have our part one of a two episode special that talks about the science of perception and [00:27:00] how to change people’s perceptions of us.

[00:27:03] Taty Fittipaldi: Wherever you are in the globe, this is Taty Fittipaldi wishing you a beautiful day.

[00:27:09] Taty Fittipaldi: If you have any questions, you’d like us to answer in a future episode of this show, just go to speakpipe.com/tatyfittipaldi or click the link in the show notes, to leave us a brief audio message.

[00:27:26] Taty Fittipaldi: Make sure to visit us on our website www.theleadershipnest.com, where you can subscribe to our show anywhere podcasts are streamed, so you never miss the fun.

[00:27:40] Taty Fittipaldi: While there, if you find value in our show, you can also subscribe to our global leadership weekly newsletter from Coaching Expatriates®, where we deliver bite-sized lessons on global leadership, decision-making, and cultural competence to help you learn how to think, relate and strategize in a whole [00:28:00] different way as a global leader.

[00:28:01] Taty Fittipaldi: If you liked our show, you might want to check her online global executive leadership program. A nine week leadership development and learning system, that will help you lead internationally while making financially conscious and impactful business decisions.

[00:28:17] Taty Fittipaldi: Taty Fittipaldi is also available for private coaching. See the websites for more details at www.coachingexpatriates.com/executive-coaching.

[00:28:29] Taty Fittipaldi: Thanks for joining us this week on The Leadership Nest podcast. Be sure to tune in next week for our next episode. Until the next time, keep nesting.

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