Episode #19 – The Secret Framework: Finding Balance in Accountability & Self-Compassion Amidst Setbacks

[00:00:00]

[00:00:00] INTRODUCTION

[00:00:00] Taty Fittipaldi: Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out. Setbacks coming, raining your parade, shaking up your career relationships and even your wellbeing. But here’s the funny part. It’s not about avoiding those bumps, although that can be pretty helpful too. It’s about how we navigate them and emerge stronger on the other side. Stick around to the end and you learn a secret formula to not only survive, but thrive through live’s wildest rides with a framework that I call self-compassion with accountability.

[00:00:42] HOST INTRODUCTION: Hello and welcome to the Leadership Nest Podcast. The podcast that nests stories, knowledge, and science to soar the leadership in you. I’m your host, Taty Fittipaldi. As always, our podcast will be divided into [00:01:00] three phases. A story, a lesson, and its application. This way, you can have structure and information while also having some fun.

[00:01:12] HOST INTRODUCTION: This program is brought to you by Coaching Expatriates.

[00:01:15] TODAY’S STORY

[00:01:15] TODAY’S STORY: Today’s story.

[00:01:25] Taty Fittipaldi: Imagine we live in a reality where multiple universes exist. And each of us have different aversions, living in different universes. Today I will share Thomas Eddison’s story from three different universes.

[00:01:41] Taty Fittipaldi: Universe one. Too much self-compassion. Once upon a time in a world without electricity and modern technology, there lived a brilliant inventor named Thomas Edison. He was a kind and compassionate man known for his gentle [00:02:00] nature and empathy towards himself and others. Thomas was determined to bring light into the world. Quite literally. He dreamt of inventing a device that would illuminate the darkness, but he faced many setbacks along the way.

[00:02:16] Taty Fittipaldi: Thomas Edison was a man who had an abundance of self-compassion. Every time he failed in his experiments, he told himself that it was alright. He’d pat himself on the back and say, Thomas it’s okay. Mistakes happen. You are doing just fine. He’d often find himself curling up with a book or taking leasurly walks to soothe his soul, when things didn’t go as planned.

[00:02:43] Taty Fittipaldi: But here’s the catch. Thomas Edison’s self-compassion was so abundant that he never felt the need to hold himself accountable. he never analyzed his mistakes. Never learned from his failures. Every time he faced a setback, he would simply [00:03:00] brush it off, telling himself that he was a good person and that’s what truly matters.

[00:03:06] Taty Fittipaldi: As years went by the world outside remained dark. Thomas Edison’s kind heart and self compassion meant he never found the drive and resilience to try one thousand times until he found his known invention. And so the world in that universe remained without light, computers, and all the wonders the modern technology brought.

[00:03:33]

[00:03:34] Taty Fittipaldi: Universe Two. Too much accountability. No self-compassion. In another universe, thomas Edison was a relentless, hard-driving inventor. held himself to incredibly high standards and demanded perfection from himself in every experiment. Failure was not an option. And he believed that his mistakes were unexcusable. [00:04:00] Thomas Edison was filled with accountability, but lacked self-compassion. When his experiments didn’t yield the results he desired, he berated himself. Mercilessly.

[00:04:11] Taty Fittipaldi: He’d call himself names like incompetent and failure. And he’d punished himself by working even harder. Pushing himself to the brink of exhaustion. But harder does not equate to smarter.

[00:04:26] Taty Fittipaldi: As time passed, Thomas Edison’s relentless drive lead him to immense stress and burnout. Eventually, he abandoned his quest to invent the light, as the pressure he placed on himself became too much to bear. Without his inventions, the world in this universe never saw the light of electricity and modern technology remained a distant dream.

[00:04:51] Taty Fittipaldi: Universe three. Our universe. Self-compassion with accountability. Now let’s turn to [00:05:00] the real story of Thomas Edison, where he found the perfect balance between accountability and self-compassion. Edison was a determined inventor who faced numerous setbacks in his quest to create the practical light bulb.

[00:05:14] Taty Fittipaldi: But what set him apart, was his ability to hold himself accountable while also practicing self-compassion. Each time he encountered a failure, he didn’t dwell on self-criticism nor did he ignore his mistakes. Edison acknowledge his setbacks, analyzed them carefully, and learn from each one.

[00:05:36] Taty Fittipaldi: He didn’t let the fear of failure hold him back, nor did he let the weight of his mistakes, crush his spirit. Let’s repeat that: he didn’t let the fear of failure hold him back. Nor did he let the weight of his mistakes crush his spirit.

[00:05:53] Taty Fittipaldi: With a combination of relentless accountability and self-compassion, Edison kept refining [00:06:00] his experiments, making adjustments, and trying again and again and again. After approximately 1000 attempts, he finally succeeded in creating the first practical incandescent light bulb.

[00:06:14] Taty Fittipaldi: His invention illuminated the world, transforming the way we live, work and interact. Thomas Edison’s story serves as an inspiration to millions of inventors worldwide. He didn’t let setbacks define him, nor did he allow his self-criticism to prevent him from achieving greatness. Instead, he found the perfect balance between holding himself accountable for his goals and treating himself with the compassion needed to keep going with the resilience and drive. In the end, it was this balance that made Thomas Edison not only an inventor, but a legend. Lighting up the world and leaving a legacy that [00:07:00] still shines brightly today.

[00:07:02] SPONSOR’S NOTE: This episode is sponsored by Coaching Expatriates, a leading global executive development company that helps leaders around the world create happier and more profitable workplaces using the four success pillars in global leadership, an innovative leadership learning methodology. Visit their website at www.

[00:07:22] SPONSOR’S NOTE: coachingexpatriates. com.

[00:07:28] TODAY’S LESSON

[00:07:28] TODAY’S LESSON: today’s lesson.

[00:07:38] Taty Fittipaldi: Life is a roller coaster, right? And even the best laid plans can hit unexpected bumps along the way. We all face setbacks, whether they’re in our careers, relationships, health, or any other aspect of life. It’s how we respond to those setbacks that truly matters.

[00:07:58] Taty Fittipaldi: In today’s lesson, [00:08:00] we’re going to explore the importance of accountability and self-compassion. And how to strike that harmonious balance between the two.

[00:08:09] Taty Fittipaldi: Let’s start with accountability. Accountability is a critical component of personal growth and success. It means taking responsibility for our actions, decisions, and their consequences. Setting goals, making plans and tracking progress are essential aspects of accountability. Holding yourself accountable means acknowledging when you’ve made a mistake or veered off course and taking steps to correct it.

[00:08:35] Taty Fittipaldi: But here’s the thing: accountability should never be about self-flagellating or setting impossible high standards. It’s about learning from our mistakes and using them as stepping stones to grow and improve. It’s about staying committed to our goals while recognizing that perfection is an unrealistic expectation.

[00:08:58] Taty Fittipaldi: Let me repeat that [00:09:00] because that’s really important.

[00:09:01] Taty Fittipaldi: Accountability should never be about self-flagellating or setting impossible high standards. It’s about learning from our mistakes and using them as stepping stones to grow and improve. It’s about staying committed to our goals while recognizing that to perfection is an unrealistic expectation.

[00:09:22] Taty Fittipaldi: Unfortunately more often than not, I see many of us, myself included, self-flagellating after a setback. And putting even bigger pressure on our shoulders. We berate, self criticize, self judge. To tell you the truth, that’s self sabotaging ourselves as well, because guess what does it do to ourselves? It destroys our self-confidence. It reduces our resilience. When we constantly judge ourselves with excessive scrutiny, it’s like we’re our own harshest [00:10:00] critics. And that can have a profound impact on our psychological wellbeing and our ability to pursue our goals effectively.

[00:10:09] Taty Fittipaldi: Psychologically speaking, self-criticism can lead to heightened stress and anxiety, eroding our self-esteem, and self-worth. This in turn can create a paralyzing effect, making us hesitant to risks or pursue her ambitions. We might find ourselves trapped in a cycle of self doubt, self guessing our every move, which can sabotage our actions and hinder our progress towards our goals.

[00:10:37] Taty Fittipaldi: It’s like having a relentless inner voice that constantly tells us that we’re not good enough. And that’s a heavy burden to carry when we’re trying to achieve anything meaningful.

[00:10:48] Taty Fittipaldi: Before we proceed with this lesson, I have a small challenge to kick things off. Choose any day, it doesn’t matter which. Over the course of 24 hours, I [00:11:00] encourage you to keep track of how often you catch yourself engaging in self criticism or any type of negative self-talk. Pay attention to those moments when you find yourself judging your actions, judging your decisions, judging your worth. Or the outcomes you’ve experienced. I just want you to start noticing how often you do it. And if you were able to catch herself in the act. If the count is too low at the end of the day, maybe your high in self-compassion. Or maybe you are not self-aware enough yet.

[00:11:39] Taty Fittipaldi: We talked about accountability. Now let’s talk about the other side of the equation. Self compassion. Self-compassion is the art of treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing a similar setback. It’s about acknowledging that you’re [00:12:00] human. And like all humans, you’re bound to make mistakes and encounter obstacles along the way.

[00:12:07] Taty Fittipaldi: Imagine this, you set out on a fitness journey with a perfect plan and a strict schedule. You miss a workout due to catching a bug that makes you feel like a bus ran you over. Instead of berating yourself for missing a day of training, practicing self-compassion means recognizing that life happens and it’s okay to occasionally deviate from your plan. It’s about forgiving yourself. Regrouping. And moving forward with renewed determination.

[00:12:40] Taty Fittipaldi: Many of my clients think self-compassion is patting themselves on the back and letting them off the hook when they missed a target. That’s not what self compassion is about. Self compassion is not letting yourself off the hook.

[00:12:57] Taty Fittipaldi: Instead of being your own worst critic, [00:13:00] self-compassion encourages you to be your own best friend. It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer to a friend going through a tough time. Imagine comforting yourself with warm words of support when things doesn’t go as planned. If someone, imagine someone who has always supported you, helped you with warm, supportive words. Would that help you be more resilient and driven? Or less resilient and driven to try again?

[00:13:33] Taty Fittipaldi: My sweet, dear grandmother is no longer with us, but she has always supported me during my challenges. Whenever I had a setback, I often looked for her wise words. Only many years later, I realized that her quote unquote wise words were never related to my problems per se. They were simply warm, supportive words to help me with something I was [00:14:00] never very good at. Self compassion. She would always help me see other perspectives about the setback, and why it happened. She encouraged me to analyze and try again. And she always finalized with something along the lines of. You can do it, love.

[00:14:17] Taty Fittipaldi: Her words always boosted my resilience and my drive to try again. She was basically my reset button when I got the terrifying blue screen.

[00:14:31] Taty Fittipaldi: Self-compassionate and resilience are like two peas in a pod. They are like Tom and Jerry. Batman and Robin. Salt and pepper. Bread and butter. Ying and young. Self-compassion acts as a nurturing force that fuels resilience. If you think your resilience needs to level up, you should probably look into your self compassion levels. Just saying.

[00:14:59] Taty Fittipaldi: When [00:15:00] life throws curve balls and setbacks become roadblocks, self-compassion is like a shovel that helps us remove obstacles. Think of it this way. When you practice self-compassion, you’re essentially extending a lifeline to yourself during a challenging time. Instead of berating yourself for your perceived failures, you were saying, Hey it’s okay. Mistakes happen. Setbacks are part of life. What could I do differently now?

[00:15:30] Taty Fittipaldi: This gentle, but assertive self-talk becomes your resilience bolster. And resilience determines drive. And you can’t achieve any goals if you don’t have any drive to do it. So self-compassion helps you bounce back from adversity by reducing the emotional toll of setbacks. It buffers against destructive effects of judgment, shame, and anxiety, allowing you to maintain your emotional [00:16:00] equilibrium when facing difficulties.

[00:16:03] Taty Fittipaldi: Many of my clients say that they are resilient, but it takes time for them to bounce back. And that’s because resilience only happens after you recover from the setback. That’s why you bounce back. Without self-compassion this recovery time takes longer and that’s why it feels more painful. It lasts longer. You’ll feel it harder. Eventually, you will find other work arounds to achieve resilience, but the truth is that self-compassion with accountability expedites resilience.

[00:16:38] Taty Fittipaldi: In essence, self-compassion is the safety net that catches you when you stumble providing you the emotional support needed to dust yourself off, learn from your experiences and move forward with renewed determination and a new plan.

[00:16:57] Taty Fittipaldi: So, remember self-compassion isn’t about [00:17:00] just being kind to yourself. It’s a key ingredient for building the inner strength needed to weather life’s storms and emerge even stronger on the other side.

[00:17:11] Taty Fittipaldi: So the lesson today is about the need to have self-compassion with accountability to achieve all your goals in life. You heard right. It’s not accountability with self-compassion. Self compassion comes first. It’s like a cat that falls in its four legs. Falling on the four legs equates to the self-compassion. And then when the cat starts walking again, as if nothing happened, that’s your accountability to achieve your goal.

[00:17:42] Taty Fittipaldi: So, one new goal you could have this new year is: practicing the self-compassion with accountability framework. And exploring how well it works for you.

[00:17:54] NARRATOR’S NOTE: You’re listening to The Leadership Nest, the podcast that nests [00:18:00] stories, knowledge, and science to soar the leadership in you with your host Taty Fittipaldi.

[00:18:11] TODAY’S TIPS TO APPLY WHAT YOU LEARNED

[00:18:11] TODAY’S TIPS TO APPLY WHAT YOU LEARNED: Today’s tips to apply what you learned.

[00:18:20] Taty Fittipaldi: So how to strike that balance between accountability and self-compassion?

[00:18:26] Taty Fittipaldi: Okay. Let’s remember the goal is to shake off when we have a setback, bounce back with emotional control. Renew determination and drive. And create a new plan to be accountable for. Right?. So this is the goal of practicing self-compassion with accountability. So how do we achieve that?

[00:18:47] Taty Fittipaldi: First, acknowledge your feelings. When a setback occurs, it’s natural to feel frustrated, disappointed, or even angry. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without [00:19:00] judgment. There are valid. They’re a part of being human.

[00:19:04] Taty Fittipaldi: Next, assess the situation objectively. Ask yourself, what went wrong? Why it happened? And what can you learn from it? This is the accountability part, taking responsibility for your actions and decisions. But here’s where self-compassion comes in. As you assess the situation, be kind to yourself, understand that everyone faces setbacks and it’s an opportunity for growth. Avoid negative self-talk. And remember that you’re not defined by a single setback or a mistake.

[00:19:39] Taty Fittipaldi: This was basically my grandmother’s framework. She would help me first calm down and then analyze objectively what went wrong, what contributing factors lead me to fail.

[00:19:50] Taty Fittipaldi: And even if an error was mine and there were no external contributing factors for the failure, she would twist the [00:20:00] narrative to explore what I could do better next time. So it was a growth mindset. There was never a single moment of judgment in the process. As I said she would always finalize with acknowledging that I could do it if I really wanted to.

[00:20:19] Taty Fittipaldi: And then she would always pamper me. And did something fun or relaxing to take my mind off of the topic. Thinking back, I always thought that it was completely unrelated to the setback, but now I know it’s part of her framework. Smart smart lady, grams!

[00:20:40] Taty Fittipaldi: Think about it when you are tired, what do you do? You rest. When you are hungry, what do you do? You eat. When you are sleepy, what do you do? You sleep. When you have a setback, what do you do? [00:21:00] would take time to self care. Self-care is to a set back as sleep is to sleepiness. Sounds strange? Well, but it’s not! Studies show that individuals who take time after setbacks to self care and recharge are more prone to succeed in the next try.

[00:21:21] Taty Fittipaldi: To truly nurture yourself amidst setbacks, make self care, a priority. Engage in activities that soothe your soul, whether it’s taking a walk in the nature, meditating, journaling, or enjoying your favorite hobby! Self-care is a form of self-compassion, by the way. And it helps you recharge and regain perspective.

[00:21:45] Taty Fittipaldi: So we talked about acknowledging feelings, assessing the situation with self-compassion, and self caring to recharge. So what’s next?

[00:21:55] Taty Fittipaldi: The final, last two things that I want to point out [00:22:00] are: one, using your renewed energy and the data analyzed in your assessment to devise a new attempt at your goal.

[00:22:09] Taty Fittipaldi: Last, but not least, don’t be afraid to seek support from others. Talk to friends, family, or a coach about your setbacks. They can provide valuable insights, encouragement, and a fresh perspective.

[00:22:23] Taty Fittipaldi: So here’s the full framework. One acknowledge the feeling. Two. Assess the situation with self-compassion. Use my grandmother’s framework. Three. Self care and take your mind away from the situation for a bit and fully recharge yourself. Four. Devise a new plan to be accountable for. And five. Seek support.

[00:22:49] Taty Fittipaldi: I know it sounds simple, right? But let me tell you, it works. I invite you to test and experiment with this framework and let me know how it went.[00:23:00] Go to speakpipe.com/Taty.Fittipaldi or click the link in the show notes below and leave me a brief audio message telling me if this experiment worked for you and how much it helped you.

[00:23:13] KEY TAKEAWAYS

[00:23:13] KEY TAKEAWAYS: Key Takeaways

[00:23:22] Taty Fittipaldi: What’s your main taKeaway from this episode, here are mine.

[00:23:26] Taty Fittipaldi: Number one. Setbacks are part of life. is like a roller coaster ride. Full of unexpected twists and turns. Regardless of our best-laid plans, setbacks are bound to happen in various aspects of our lives, whether it’s in our careers, relationships or health. What truly matters is not avoiding these bumps, but how we respond to them.

[00:23:53] Taty Fittipaldi: Number two. Accountability. The balanced approach. Accountability is crucial for personal [00:24:00] growth and success. It involves taking responsibility for our actions, decisions and their consequences. However, it’s essential to remember that accountability should never involve self-flagellating or setting unattainable standards. Instead it’s about learning from our mistakes and using them as stepping stones for growth, while recognizing that perfection is an unrealistic expectation.

[00:24:28] Taty Fittipaldi: Number three. Self-compassion: your resilience booster. Self-compassion is the art of treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, just as we would do for a friend facing a setback. It’s about acknowledging our humanity, accepting that we make mistakes and giving ourselves the emotional support we need during challenging times. Self-compassion is not about letting ourselves off the hook. But rather about being our own best friends,[00:25:00] offering warm words of encouragement and helping us bounce back from adversity. It fuels our resilience and in turn our drive to pursue our goals.

[00:25:12] Taty Fittipaldi: Number four. Devise a plan for success. Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings, assessed the situation with self-compassion and taken the time to self care and recharge, it’s time for action. Utilize your renewed energy and the insights gained during the assessment to craft a fresh plan.

[00:25:36] Taty Fittipaldi: This plan should reflect the lessons learned from your setback and be a blueprint for moving forward with the renewed determination and accountability. Remember, it’s not about repeating the same steps and expecting different results. It’s about adapting and improving your approach based on your experiences.

[00:25:57] HIGHLIGHTS

[00:25:57] Taty Fittipaldi: This brings us to [00:26:00] the end of this Leadership Nest episode. I hope you have enjoyed the learning about self-compassion with accountability framework to achieve your goals. Tune in to our episode next week, when we will chat about the science and motives behind miscommunication.

[00:26:16] Taty Fittipaldi: Wherever you are in the globe, this is Taty Fittipaldi wishing you a beautiful day.

[00:26:22] Taty Fittipaldi: If you have any questions, you’d like us to answer in a future episode of this show, just go to speakpipe.com/tatyfittipaldi or click the link in the show notes, to leave us a brief audio message.

[00:26:40] Taty Fittipaldi: Make sure to visit us on our website www.theleadershipnest.com, where you can subscribe to our show anywhere podcasts are streamed, so you never miss the fun.

[00:26:53] Taty Fittipaldi: While there, if you find value in our show, you can also subscribe to our global leadership weekly newsletter [00:27:00] from Coaching Expatriates®, where we deliver bite-sized lessons on global leadership, decision-making, and cultural competence to help you learn how to think, relate and strategize in a whole different way as a global leader.

[00:27:15] Taty Fittipaldi: If you liked our show, you might want to check her online global executive leadership program. A nine week leadership development and learning system, that will help you lead internationally while making financially conscious and impactful business decisions.

[00:27:30] Taty Fittipaldi: Taty Fittipaldi is also available for private coaching. See the websites for more details at www.coachingexpatriates.com/executive-coaching.

[00:27:42] Taty Fittipaldi: Thanks for joining us this week on The Leadership Nest podcast. Be sure to tune in next week for our next episode. Until the next time, keep nesting.

[00:27:52] ​