S2 EP001 | Joyride With Expatriates – Brazilian Expat: From Brazil To The US

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[00:00:00] INTRODUCTION

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[00:00:05] Taty Fittipaldi: Hello and welcome to the Leadership Nest podcast. This is season two of the global leadership podcast, that combines stories, knowledge and science to soar the leadership in you. I’m your host Taty Fittipaldi. During this season, we invited 20 different expatriates from around the world to share their stories, their learning journeys, and they’re tips to make you a better leader and an inspired person. You can also watch the live interviews on our YouTube channel search for coaching expatriates channel, then select the playlist called joyride with expatriates.

[00:00:43] Taty Fittipaldi: On today’s episode, we’ll talk with Maria Helena Dunne. A top realtor in New Jersey who originally comes from Brazil. Here is her [00:01:00] story.

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[00:01:02] JOYRIDE WITH AN EXPATRIATE

(This section’s transcript was AI-generated and may contain errors)

[00:01:02] Taty Fittipaldi: maria Elena, welcome.

[00:01:04] Maria Helena Dunne: Thank you, Tatiana. Thank you for inviting me to this show. I feel very honored.

[00:01:09] Taty Fittipaldi: It’s our pleasure to have you here. Thank you so much. So basically, as I mentioned to you, this show is about talking with expatriates and having in hearing about a little bit about their stories and feel a little bit inspired about their stories.

[00:01:25] Taty Fittipaldi: I am curious to know tell us a little bit, where did you come from? What did you used to do in your original country? Tell us a little bit about that.

[00:01:35] Maria Helena Dunne: Okay. So I come from Sao Paulo, Brazil. And I used to work for United Airlines in the sales department. I was a corporate account executive.

[00:01:44] Maria Helena Dunne: And basically I visited corporate accounts and I signed contracts with them for the employees to fly with United Airlines all over the world. So that was my my job. And I’ve been here in America for 21 years now.

[00:01:59] Taty Fittipaldi: [00:02:00] Wow. 21 years is a lot of time. So you probably right now feel a lot more adjusted.

[00:02:06] Maria Helena Dunne: Definitely. Definitely.

[00:02:07] Taty Fittipaldi: What drove you to move from Brazil to the U. S.?

[00:02:11] Maria Helena Dunne: They United Airlines was looking for Latin American account executive for the office in New York, and I applied for the position. And I got the position in 1999 and they transferred me here. So at the time I was single.

[00:02:25] Maria Helena Dunne: So it was it was an easy transition. I think it’s more difficult for people who have you know, Who are married with kids? But that’s how I ended up here I applied for a position and I got the position in New York for the New York office

[00:02:37] Taty Fittipaldi: awesome. That’s an interesting story. I, and I imagine this happens with with a lot of, a lot of people that are relocated and become expatriates. So tell me, what are you doing right now? What is your job and what kind of things are, do you do right now?

[00:02:53] Maria Helena Dunne: So I, right now I work as a realtor for the past seven years.

[00:02:58] Maria Helena Dunne: Prior to that, I stayed [00:03:00] home with my kids for nine years. I worked for United Airlines and then I worked at the Brazilian Embassy in Washington, D. C. As the Brazilian the manager for the Brazilian tourism office. And then after I had twins, I decided that I wanted to stay home. And then I had a third one 25 months later.

[00:03:19] Maria Helena Dunne: So I definitely stay home for nine years, taking care of my kids. Because, it’s different in Brazil. We have family support, we have babysitters, maids that help us. But here in America, we, you are by yourself. With three little kids, there was no way I could go back to work. So I decided to stay home.

[00:03:36] Maria Helena Dunne: And then And then I had a friend who lived in Manhattan, and she asked me suggestions where she should buy her house in New Jersey, because I was living in New Jersey at the time. And I said that’s the town that you should go, and then I started looking houses with her. And then two months later, a friend of hers, so she bought a house, a million dollar house.

[00:03:55] Maria Helena Dunne: And then two months later, a friend of hers from Manhattan, Also bought another [00:04:00] million dollar house and I told my husband like wait a minute, you know I’m helping all these people to find their houses here I could maybe become a realtor and work with the brazilian community and help people, to navigate the Different towns and counties in new jersey and try to make some money for our kids college because you know here in america college costs a lot of money So that’s what i’ve been doing the past seven years.

[00:04:23] Maria Helena Dunne: I’ve been working as a realtor and that’s how I transitioned from Travel business to stay at home mom to real estate. That’s actually

[00:04:32] Taty Fittipaldi: amazing like to have a mindset to see the Opportunities with when they present themselves. That’s that’s really amazing. I commend you because sometimes Expatriates they’re so overwhelmed that they might, not see an opportunity when they present itself.

[00:04:47] Taty Fittipaldi: So congratulations that you took the chance and made it happen. That’s awesome. So tell me what was the most significant change of mindset you had to have in order to adjust here

[00:04:59] Maria Helena Dunne: in [00:05:00] the country? As I said, I’ve been here for 21 years, so a lot has changed in my life, but So when I moved here, as I mentioned earlier, I was single.

[00:05:10] Maria Helena Dunne: So I was working like, like crazy. Cause you, if you’re a transfer, you have this, responsibility to show the work, to prove to them that they made a right choice of bringing you from another country and taking care of your papers and everything. And one of the things that I was, that I remember thinking was very different from Brazil is that.

[00:05:31] Maria Helena Dunne: At lunchtime in Brazil, you go out for an hour, and then you go to a restaurant, or you go to those restaurants that you eat by weight, and you have an hour break, and you chat with your friends from the office, And then, sometimes on Friday nights or even sometimes during the week after six o’clock everybody’s still in the office and they’re like, oh, let’s have a beer and then go for a happy hour.

[00:05:51] Maria Helena Dunne: Yeah. And when I came to America, it was the same company, it was United Airlines. It was a different job because I was dealing with Latin American ethnic market, it was [00:06:00] not corporate. But the office itself was very different because Americans, and I shouldn’t generalize, but in my office at the time, everybody ate on their desks in front of their computers.

[00:06:12] Maria Helena Dunne: For they would bring a salad from, from home or even go down and buy lunch, but they would come back and eat in front of their computer on their desks. And I thought was, I couldn’t get someone to go out with me. And sit at Bryan Park, which was close to the office. I used to work on on 6th Avenue Very close to Bryan Park and like those beautiful days and people just sit in front of their laptops or computers and you know eat from you know in front of that and that was something that in the beginning was weird for me and not having the happy hour and I didn’t know anybody and people in the office by like quarter to five I would Stand up from my cubicle and there was nobody in the office because most people that worked in my office They were commuters to New York or even New Jersey So they had a train to [00:07:00] catch or a bus and I lived I was lucky enough to Rented an apartment in the upper east side.

[00:07:04] Maria Helena Dunne: So I felt very lonely in the beginning. That was you know, that was It’s something that I had to adapt, it’s okay, that’s how it is here. So

[00:07:15] Taty Fittipaldi: That’s quite interesting and it’s quite a difference in, in, in culture. So you can you saw it firsthand some of the differences in small aspects that we usually don’t think about, so and besides that, that you had to have a change of mindset, you had to start working more in your desk, or having lunch alone. What was one of the biggest challenges you had when you came to the U. S.?

[00:07:42] Maria Helena Dunne: I really think the biggest challenge at the time was I mentioned before it was I felt lonely.

[00:07:48] Maria Helena Dunne: I felt very lonely in the beginning. I think if I had moved with, with a husband and kids, would I think the transition would have been a little bit easier for me, not necessarily for my kids and my husband, but[00:08:00] I think I felt very lonely in the beginning and and because I was working so many like long hours I didn’t even have time to do something fun, you know So for a very for several months, I was just working and feeling lonely So it was it was not easy in the beginning.

[00:08:16] Maria Helena Dunne: So that was a challenge to How could I overcome this and how could I find time to maybe do some of the stuff that I used to do in Brazil and maybe make friends in America, so that was, how could I, that was the challenge, find a balance that I could have life and at the same time be good at work and prove to them that they made the right choice of bringing me from Brazil to be, the Latin American manager.

[00:08:43] Maria Helena Dunne: For, for Latin American accounts. Yeah, this,

[00:08:47] Taty Fittipaldi: this balance is something that many expatriates report have, this dual between proving themselves, but also, having, basically having a life. And how did you overcome this

[00:08:57] Maria Helena Dunne: this big challenge? [00:09:00] After a couple of months that I got into a routine and I had all my accounts set up I start looking.

[00:09:06] Maria Helena Dunne: To do things that I used to do in brazil So I started, you know going to a yoga place and I started doing yoga and I used to do meditation in brazil So I looked for a meditation center And once I start to try to replicate the good things that I had in brazil, here I started meeting people, and then in the meditation group, I met a Brazilian, and then, she introduced me to her Brazilian friends, and then a couple months later, I had my own tribe.

[00:09:32] Maria Helena Dunne: I had my Brazilian tribe in Manhattan, so I still didn’t have I was not much in touch with the people from my office. As I said, they, they were, most of them were married with families, and five o’clock, everybody was out of the office. But then I had found my trip, my tribe, my, my Brazilian friends through this friend that I met through meditation at the time.

[00:09:52] Taty Fittipaldi: And it’s always easier to go through anything when you have, friends and you have other people to support. You other people [00:10:00] around you, right?

[00:10:00] Maria Helena Dunne: Yes, definitely.

[00:10:02] Taty Fittipaldi: Absolutely. You mentioned, I think you mentioned a little bit about, this fear of balance, but do you want to, do you want to tell more about this fear and how did you overcame this fear of, having to prove yourself here in the U.

[00:10:16] Taty Fittipaldi: S.?

[00:10:18] Maria Helena Dunne: Yeah, that, that was definitely my biggest fear because, they transfer you and you’re, you’re always worried Oh, you’re not doing a good job So they might send you back to your country any minute now And I remember when I moved here my mom’s let’s buy an apartment and I’m like, I’m not gonna buy anything I don’t know if I’m gonna last here, so I think it’s, you start getting, basically my, my, my work was sales and once the sales start showing up and my territory that I was in charge start, showing improvement in the sales I start breathing like better.

[00:10:48] Maria Helena Dunne: I was like, okay, this is doing well. The accounts that I’m in charge are selling more and I’m guaranteeing my job here. Then as I said, at the same time, I was making friends. So I was. I was [00:11:00] feeling more confident that this was permanent, there was not something that could change overnight.

[00:11:06] Taty Fittipaldi: So you mentioned a little bit about confidence and also, some of the balance. I was wondering, I’m very curious to know, what do you think about what skills expatriates have to have in order to adapt when they come to a new

[00:11:21] Maria Helena Dunne: country? I think I think the most important thing when you come to a new country is Try to not be afraid of speaking the language if you’re not fluent.

[00:11:33] Maria Helena Dunne: Because sometimes like I work for united lines in brazil, and I thought I was fluent I had lived here before But when you get to the country and you start working there is so many, you don’t feel like That your English is the level that it should be, or any other country that you go. For a while I was reluctant to be speaking too much, and then I’m like, you know what?

[00:11:52] Maria Helena Dunne: I’m just gonna let my tongue go, and speak as much as I can, and learn from my mistakes. I think, not being, the skills I think, not being afraid [00:12:00] of speaking even if your English is not perfect. I think trying to learn as, I knew a lot about American culture, but because I had been here for so many trainings with United Airlines before, when I was in Brazil.

[00:12:13] Maria Helena Dunne: But you never really see the culture until you really live it, get here, so as much as information as you can have about, the culture that you’re moving into, I think it’s important. And I also think that not in my case, because I was the one transferred, but for a lot of I work with a lot of Brazilian families who are relocated from Brazil here, and I see that the kids go back, go to school, and they make new friends, and, whoever was transferred, either, the wife or the husband goes to the job, and the spouse that stays at home Is the one that suffers the most because doesn’t have a social life doesn’t have a work or And the kids are in school so I think one of the things that if I was [00:13:00] transferring with a family here that I would do If I had to stay home, I would volunteer in the school that my kids are volunteer at the library volunteer even a hospital obviously not right now but you know with what’s going on, but I think volunteer work is the best way for you to Get to know the culture, get to know how people are, improve your language, English in this case, and not have a commitment because it’s a volunteer work, so you volunteer those hours, but if something happening, you cannot go to that volunteer work in those specific hours, it’s volunteer, so it’s not like you have a boss that’s going to tell you, oh, you’re fired because you didn’t show up, so I think if the people develop this, not being afraid of speaking wrong, and learn as much as you can about the culture, and volunteer if you are the one, the spouse that stays home, that, that’s the best way To adapt to the new country.

[00:13:51] Maria Helena Dunne: That’s a beautiful

[00:13:52] Taty Fittipaldi: summary of what you just said. English, make sure local people and the local language. And then [00:14:00] volunteer. Make some, some friends. Awesome. I think these are awesome tips, Maria Lynn. I truly think these are great tips that really help people.

[00:14:08] Taty Fittipaldi: Adjust faster. That’s awesome. So you talk a little bit about your meditation story and some stories already, but I would like you to share a story that something that happened while you were here that helped you adapt faster here when you

[00:14:25] Maria Helena Dunne: came. I don’t think was exactly when I came, but there was something that happened later on when I was here that really helped me.

[00:14:34] Maria Helena Dunne: So I came in 1999 and then I got married and in 2001 I moved to Virginia, and that’s when I worked for the Brazilian Embassy. And then when I had my twins, I was part of a group called Fairfax Mother of Multiples. And they had, play dates, they had, girls night out for the mothers, it was like, it was a group that had activities that, the glue of the [00:15:00] group was the fact that we had multiple kids, like two, three, whatever, there were people in my group that had five kids at once so when I started participating in this group, I thought, what if I do, if I create a group, that the glue, instead of being multiple kids, is, You know the parents the mother is brazilian So I at that time I knew about five five people five Women that had kids and were brazilians one was from my yoga class.

[00:15:25] Maria Helena Dunne: The other one was from the brazilian embassy I think one was, we had the same cleaning lady in common, so that’s how I met her. Anyway, so I had a tea I even remember the date, it was the 18th of August of 2004, and we had a tea in my house, and I said let’s create a group of Brazilian mothers where we can Not only, have the playdates in Portuguese, but, have Brazilian parties, like the Festa Junina, which is the June party that we have, or Independence Day, which is in September, or Christmas party with a Santa Claus that speaks Portuguese.

[00:15:58] Maria Helena Dunne: So I founded this group in [00:16:00] Virginia, which was MBV, Brazilian Mothers of Virginia, and then that was in 2004 when I had my twins. And then in 2007, I had to leave Virginia because my husband got a job in New York and we transferred we came back to New York again. I was in New York, I went to Virginia, then I came back again.

[00:16:19] Maria Helena Dunne: And then for one year, I was really having a hard time because I had a community in Virginia. I had my friends, I had, my kids had their little friends, and it was very hard. But then in 2008, I decided to Have another group of mothers that this time in New Jersey and right now I do have this group And you know the kids that were little at the time now are teenagers so we have a subgroup in this group, which is the mothers of teenagers and you know I organize five parties a year and we have girls night out and we do we organize a lot of events to to get money and send to institutions in brazil orphanages like this year we are helping a [00:17:00] boat that goes along the amazon river and helps families there with medication with the doctors come so I couldn’t I needed to find a community of brazilian mothers and I couldn’t so I founded one And You have to think that was in 2004 when Facebook and all this, that we have nowadays is much easier to communicate and to find people, so the group was started very small, as I said, with three, four families at the time, and it just kept growing And I’m very happy to say that the group is still alive in Virginia, they still do things there and I have my group here and I do things here if you don’t have a tribe, create your tribe.

[00:17:39] Maria Helena Dunne: Create one! That’s

[00:17:42] Taty Fittipaldi: a power tip, I love it, that’s a power tip that’s that’s very powerful. So my next question would be exactly about the support groups that you have. And you mentioned this group that you founded yourself. So tell me, maybe tell us how this group [00:18:00] supports you in, in your daily life and daily activity.

[00:18:04] Maria Helena Dunne: So I, I, we say that it takes a village to raise a child, and I actually have two villages. I have the village of Oradea, which is the town that I live in, New Jersey. And for a very long time, this village was essential for my surviving because I had three kids doing three different activities after school and then we share, it’s carpools that we okay you take today To swimming and I’ll take tomorrow to soccer, and so that was a community that I had a tribe that I had that village that helped me But then I had my Brazilian village, which was my Brazilian tribe, that I, during the weekends, I’m always hanging out with my, with the members from my group, because I don’t have family here.

[00:18:45] Maria Helena Dunne: My husband is from England, so he doesn’t have family here. The group was I think it is still nowadays a support for it’s the family that we don’t have here. So it’s not a group. I don’t have a group that has 500 people and nobody [00:19:00] knows, each other. We know each other. If someone, like a couple of years ago, we had someone in the group that the husband passed away.

[00:19:07] Maria Helena Dunne: So we were doing like every night there was someone bringing food to them or. We just had someone who had a baby recently in the group and we also arranged to have food you know brought to the person so it’s basically Giving the support that a family would give to us in brazil and we don’t have it here Especially people who are relocated and they don’t know anybody.

[00:19:31] Maria Helena Dunne: So when they get to my group, They come and they have the girls night out, and then they get to know some of the girls, or come to, Easter party, and then they know the other families, and then they connect with these other families based on, sometimes location, we live close to each other, sometimes it’s the age of the kids.

[00:19:48] Maria Helena Dunne: But basically, the idea of the group is to give emotional and even physical support that we don’t have here because our family is in another country. [00:20:00] Yeah,

[00:20:00] Taty Fittipaldi: That’s a beautiful awareness because, indeed, most expatriates, they come and they don’t have anybody, they don’t have a family, their parents are probably in their original country And usually families is very supportive in, in, in many places and having a support group like that, that could fill this gap.

[00:20:19] Taty Fittipaldi: It’s incredible. Indeed. That’s that’s that’s also another interesting power tip. I love that. So we are coming. Almost close to the end of the session. So I was wondering if you could share some other power tips you have for expatriates out there that, want to adapt and want to make adjustments in their life so that they can feel comfortable living in a different country.

[00:20:47] Maria Helena Dunne: I don’t know if there’s anything different from what I already said, it’s just, having to set, if you’re coming to a country you have to adapt, you have to be flexible and And you have to be open to [00:21:00] to get to know other people try to if there’s something that you love doing in your country, like I was never a book club person, but I have someone in my group now that she loved to, she loved book clubs when she was in Brazil, so she started her book club here.

[00:21:16] Maria Helena Dunne: So basically try to bring things that you love from your country and to adapt it here and that’s a way for you to not feel so far away. I don’t know if that’ll be that makes sense. No, it makes

[00:21:30] Taty Fittipaldi: sense. So we Sometimes we come here and we don’t have that’s very synchronistic you’ll see why soon.

[00:21:38] Taty Fittipaldi: We don’t see we don’t feel the sense of belonging. Sometimes it feels like We are, a fish out of the bucket of water we don’t know where we fit, so it’s a very, indeed a very interesting tip. Here at the end of our interview today, I wanted to mention That Coaching Expatriates will soon [00:22:00] launch a deck of cards.

[00:22:02] Taty Fittipaldi: It’s a deck for, self growth and self improvement. It’s an awesome deck. And so I would like to test it out with you. Is that okay? Yes, sure. So here’s how it’s going to work. I am going to share my screen with you with a card, with one card and that I selected for you and way before our interview today.

[00:22:29] Taty Fittipaldi: And I wanted you to read this card and Tell me how what you read relates to your adaptation experience when you came to the U. S. Okay. Okay. Let’s see. Okay. So let me share the screen with you.

[00:22:46] Maria Helena Dunne: So this is the back of the card. Okay, you are the master of your mind. Change your mindset. Change your life.

[00:22:54] Taty Fittipaldi: And here is the card.

[00:22:58] Maria Helena Dunne: The sign that comes into my [00:23:00] life. I’m in control of my mind.

[00:23:04] Maria Helena Dunne: Yeah, that, that is interesting. So as I said, when I moved here in New Jersey in 2007 for one year, I was literally depressed. I, I was very sad and I had this neighbor across the street who would take me to all the playgrounds. She’s oh, I’m going with Rachel to this playground in Paramus.

[00:23:21] Maria Helena Dunne: You want to come with me? And I would go with her. And and then one day she knocks at my door. I don’t remember how many months I was already here. And she says, I met this woman in the playground in Paramus, and she has an accent just like you. And I asked her if she was Brazilian, and she said she was.

[00:23:37] Maria Helena Dunne: So I got her phone number for you, and then. She gives me this little piece of paper with the name Karla and the phone number written down. I decided to make a call to this Karla, and I called and I left the following message. I said, Hi Karla, my name is Maria Elena, I moved here from Virginia, and my neighbor just gave me your phone number.

[00:23:59] Maria Helena Dunne: She met you [00:24:00] in a playground, in a park in Paramus. And I was just wondering if you want to be my friend because I don’t have friends here. That was literally the message I left for her. And and this person, Carla, became my very best friend, my sister, my soul sister. And to a point that with this COVID thing, my husband and I, we decided to do our wills recently, just in case, and on the will, if both of us die, we were like, who do we leave our kids?

[00:24:29] Maria Helena Dunne: Because my mother, I don’t have family in Brazil with the exception of my mom and she’s 72. So there’s, it doesn’t make any sense to. I have my mother in charge of my kids and and my husband’s family is in England. So it’s if we die right now, who would take care of our kids so they, that changing their lives is not so drastic.

[00:24:46] Maria Helena Dunne: And then Carla became this person. And she came to me through my neighbor in a little piece of paper and I just had the courage to make the phone call and see where we would go from there.

[00:24:57] Taty Fittipaldi: Fascinating. That’s absolutely [00:25:00] fascinating.

[00:25:00] Maria Helena Dunne: So she, I decided she was going to stay in my life forever and and I’m glad I did that.

[00:25:06] Taty Fittipaldi: And the right souls are attracted to you. That’s beautiful. That’s that’s absolutely beautiful. That’s awesome, Marielena, your your story is very inspiring. I think you shared a very powerful tips very powerful story. I am really glad. That I had the opportunity to talk to you today in this in our joyride with Expatriates today.

[00:25:33] Taty Fittipaldi: I am very thankful to you for you being here. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you being here. Thank you so much for sharing your

[00:25:41] Maria Helena Dunne: story. Thank you for inviting me and letting me share my story. I hope that, what I said makes people more Less afraid of trying new countries and less afraid of calling people that you don’t know and just saying I need a friend it you know and Not [00:26:00] you know, and if you don’t have if you cannot find your tribe Create your tribe and I’m happy you invited me because I really hope this helps people who are Moving to any country to find their tribes and adapt as quick as possible And thank you for inviting me again.

[00:26:17] Maria Helena Dunne: Thank you. It was

[00:26:18] Taty Fittipaldi: a pleasure so much. Thank you

[00:26:21] HIGHLIGHTS

[00:26:21] Taty Fittipaldi: This brings us to the end of these Leadership Nest episode. I trust you found value in acquiring insights that can elevate your decisions and performance in critical global leadership roles in situations. Stay tuned for a next joy ride with expatriates interview, we promise to surprise you with new stories and concepts to help you learn more about international relocation, acclimation and cultural integrations.

[00:26:50] Taty Fittipaldi: Wherever you are in the globe, this is Taty Fittipaldi wishing you a beautiful day.

[00:26:55] Taty Fittipaldi: [00:27:00] If you have any questions, you’d like us to answer in a future episode of this show, just go to speakpipe.com/tatyfittipaldi or click the link in the show notes, to leave us a brief audio message.

[00:27:13] Taty Fittipaldi: Make sure to visit us on our website www.theleadershipnest.com, where you can subscribe to our show anywhere podcasts are streamed, so you never miss the fun.

[00:27:26] Taty Fittipaldi: While there, if you find value in our show, you can also subscribe to our global leadership weekly newsletter from Coaching Expatriates®, where we deliver bite-sized lessons on global leadership, decision-making, and cultural competence to help you learn how to think, relate and strategize in a whole different way as a global leader.

[00:27:48] Taty Fittipaldi: If you liked our show, you might want to check her online global executive leadership program. A nine week leadership development and learning system, that will help you lead internationally while [00:28:00] making financially conscious and impactful business decisions.

[00:28:04] Taty Fittipaldi: Taty Fittipaldi is also available for private coaching. See the websites for more details at www.coachingexpatriates.com/executive-coaching.

[00:28:16] Taty Fittipaldi: Thanks for joining us this week on The Leadership Nest podcast. I trust you found a value in acquiring insights that can elevate your performance in critical global leadership roles and situations.

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